


my heart and this night (makes this game flicker)

by daybreaking



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Developing Friendships, F/F, Fluff, Slow Burn, wenrene - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:28:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 33,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23944705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daybreaking/pseuds/daybreaking
Summary: Seungwan just got dumped and her roommate is trying to make her feel better by playing cards with her, but she just keeps winning and whispering, "Sorry."
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Son Seungwan | Wendy
Comments: 52
Kudos: 287





	1. my heart and this night (makes this game flicker)

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a tweet. Saw it on my tl quoted by @fanystaengoo on twitter (thank u uwu) and decided to give it a shot! Kind of(?) unbeta-ed. Really short timeframe. Quite dialogue based. Also more friendly wenrene than romantic ngl.
> 
> I hope you still enjoy though. Also available on aff!! :-)

Seungwan gets dumped.

In the middle of her midterms week, running on two hours of sleep everyday and a community visit evaluation creeping at the end of it, Seungwan gets dumped.

In the university courtyard, no less.

As far as Seungwan is concerned, there are different kinds of breakups. There is a happy breakup, as weird as that sounds—because why the hell would breaking up with someone be _happy_? Seungwan thinks she is not yet mature enough to understand that, but believes that she will one day.

There is also a sad breakup, quite common for the passionate youth, when one thinks they have found the love of their lives but they just pass by like a chapter in a book.

And then there is _her_ breakup.

A complete and utter _mess_ at the same time not. She just stands there with blankly blinking eyes and clutched textbooks in her arms. Nothing sinks into her brain the moment it happens, not even an ounce of worry, or a sharp sting to the chest. 

Nothing, except for the fact that she _really_ needs to get home as soon as possible. Right now. Pronto. She still has an exam tomorrow morning and she still hasn’t read through her notes yet.

So when her boyfriend—well, now _ex_ -boyfriend breaks up with her in the middle of the university courtyard, Seungwan doesn’t understand why she only nods at him, curt, before speeding off to her dorm.

No tears, no questions asked. She just straight up tells him, “Okay,” and then leaves. 

Actually, she thinks she might have even confused the guy.

She hears a rattled “Wait, Seungwan!” from the male behind her, but she doesn’t stick around to listen any longer.

-

Chanyeol must be mad for breaking up with Seungwan in the middle of her midterms. 

Of course she wouldn’t be able to react the way he wanted her to. Not only is she super stressed about her already-hellish week, he also _knows_ she wouldn’t be in the right headspace to process any information outside of her lessons. They have been together long enough for him to know this about her—how she will literally set everything aside for her studies.

He is still texting her even to the moment she arrives in her dorm. Multiple pings on the phone in her pocket that read _Wendy? Can we talk about it properly?_ or perhaps _You left so suddenly, aren’t you even upset?_

Seungwan thinks she would find time to grieve over the one-year relationship after her midterms end. There is always time.

Her roommate is lying down on her bed when she gets into the shared accommodation, a pocket book in hand raised nearly perpendicular above her face and her earphones plugged in.

Seungwan wonders if the girl’s arms get weary in that position. She also knows that one shouldn’t be reading while lying down.

She takes off her shoes before the threshold and sets them on the rack before entering.

“Hi,” she greets as she steps further into the average-sized room.

The girl on the bed, who surprisingly hears it despite the earphones on, only gives Seungwan a small smile in between her outstretched arms.

Seungwan finds it oddly entertaining. Her roommate has always been like that—calm and reserved yet strangely interesting when it comes to her little quirks and behavior. Sometimes Seungwan even wakes up to the girl doing a split face-down on the space between their beds, a shriek caught in her throat in surprise, until she realizes that the blob of brunette hair is just her roommate sleeping and not a giant, hairy spider.

“Hello,” the girl responds in a tiny voice, characteristic of her. 

Seungwan likes how soft-spoken her roommate is. As someone who needs utmost concentration while studying for her tests, the last thing she needs is a rambunctious roommate who comes home drunk nearly every night and plays EDM on loudspeaker.

Although Seungwan knows her roommate loves EDM just as much —

“What’s wrong with EDM?” The girl had looked at Seungwan with a crease between her furrowed brows while they had breakfast in the kitchenette. “I like EDM.” 

At least her roommate has the decency to listen to it with her wired earphones. Which is adorable, by the way, considering everyone else has ditched the cables for Bluetooth ones.

Seungwan likes her roommate. They live peacefully together.

“You know, it’s bad for your eyes when you read like that,” Seungwan can’t help but tell the girl as she walks to the bed just across hers. “You should value your eyesight.”

“It’s already progressively deteriorating anyways.” There is a soft snort of some sort from the other. Seungwan just sighs as she places her books on the wide desk that sits between their beds.

“Still. You might end up regretting it when you’re older.”

“You sound like my mom.”

“Is that necessarily a bad thing?”

“Um.” Her roommate’s bed creaks with her movement as she pulls herself to a sit, legs dangling off the side of the furniture. “Point taken.”

Seungwan chuckles, amused, before setting up her laptop on the same desk and tying her hair into a quick bun.

“Have you been here for a while already?” she asks without sparing a glance at the girl, moving around to prepare her materials while keeping a casual conversation in the air. After all, introverts also need to socialize every now and then.

“About a couple of hours.”

Seungwan starts walking to the kitchenette just beside the door as her stomach grumbles for some food. She had missed her lunch today because she used up the time to review for her next exam instead. It was unhealthy, but at least she was surer of her answers.

“Is that so?” She opens a cupboard and takes out packets of spicy ramyun. “Do you want one of these?” she makes sure to ask from the open space of the small kitchen, raising the red packet where her roommate can see.

The girl squints at it, before deciding it is better off that she joins Seungwan in the kitchenette with light footsteps on the carpeted floor.

She just hangs by the framing though, a hollow door frame next to where the threshold meets the elevated livable space of their room, and crosses her arms.

“Junk food is bad for the brain,” her roommate tells her, as if she doesn’t know that already.

Seungwan rolls her eyes as she grabs a cooking pot from the rack.

“Well, it’s a good thing this is Korean food then.” She grins cheekily, watches as the girl in front of her scoffs lightly in amusement before shrugging it away.

“I’ll have one then, if you don’t mind.”

Seungwan doesn’t waste time pouring water into the pot and turning on the stove. She is already famished and she also shouldn’t disappoint now that her roommate is actually waiting on her.

Turning away from the girl, she focuses herself on her task.

“Right away, ma’am!”

-

Joohyun, her roommate, is an absolute delight to be with. 

After a whole semester of pure chaos in her previous dorm, Seungwan had moved out because her roommate was everything she _didn’t_ need—loud and annoying, an Engineering major who didn’t believe in studying at all; she believed her calculator alone could save her instead.

Joohyun, on the other hand, is not only super pretty (which had Seungwan stumbling over the threshold when she first moved into the vacancy, awkwardly chuckling when the woman just blinks at her from her bed in worry), but she also has the same dedication to her studies just as Seungwan does, being a Law student herself.

That’s why they often just spend their time sitting next to each other on their respective desks, faces buried in books and their laptops. Not too far apart to be distant, but also not too close to be touching.

Seungwan has already figured out from the first night that this is the kind of company she wants to coexist with. Joohyun is quiet, well-mannered, and doesn’t go out to drink often. That is comfortable for Seungwan. She likes it.

It must have been the same for Joohyun, because they have stretched quite comfortably for over a year now. This is already their third semester of being roommates, and they haven’t had any plans to move out. 

At least Seungwan doesn’t.

They eat their noodles in peace, the sounds of their occasional slurping and chewing filling the comfortable air.

Seungwan is actually enjoying the relatively peaceful silence. She needed the short break from all the stress. Joohyun is also good at being a neutral company; she just sits there and minds her own business.

Everything is going well, until it isn’t. Like an unexpected ocean wave with her back to the sea, it all comes crashing down on Seungwan. Everything she had put on hold earlier because she was still shaken up from her difficult exam, starts to sink into her brain.

“Holy shit,” is what she breathes out after swallowing down her noodles. She sets down her bowl on top of her desk with a blank look on her face.

Joohyun stares at her, concerned.

“I just remembered… that my boyfriend dumped me,” Seungwan says after the silence. 

Her eyes immediately land on her phone on the far end of her desk at the realization, the device faced down and plugged to the charger. She hasn’t checked it at all since she came home.

Joohyun obviously finds her reaction—or the lack thereof—concerning, because the girl immediately sets aside her own bowl and sits properly to face her sideways, hands on her lap and a worried look on her face.

“And?” Joohyun prompts, still soft and gentle but curious. “Are you okay?” she asks carefully.

Is she okay? Seungwan doesn’t know either. She doesn’t know _yet_. Whenever she starts to think about the situation she can’t help but remember how she still has modules and modules of things to get through or else she would be flunking her exams.

She can’t flunk and be heartbroken at the same time, can she?

Seungwan has always been a serious person all throughout, Joohyun knows this. From her studies, to the way she organizes her things on her side of the room, and most importantly to her relationships. She just lives her life simply—never taking things for granted, nor purposely complicating things for herself. She lives by rules and the upright.

Meanwhile, Joohyun is probably the complete opposite of her. Seungwan has long figured out that the girl might be kind of queer, and a little noncommittal in her own way. After all, the Law student just spends her free time playing games or finally texting back one of the many people blowing up her notifications, only to get bored of them. She lives by sudden bursts of energy and what makes her tick.

Seungwan understands that they have contrasting ideologies and principles in approaching life. Not that it’s bad or anything, she just thinks it’s entertaining how Joohyun sometimes tiptoes around things in consideration of her; how Joohyun seems to treat her like a fragile ornament being shipped in an unprotected box.

That’s why the look on her face right now is comical—furrowed brows and a worried frown, because something is telling Seungwan that Joohyun thinks she is completely _devastated_ about the ordeal.

If they had been the touchy-type kind of roommates, she’s sure Joohyun would have pulled her into a hug already with how she is wringing her hands on her lap.

“I don’t know what I feel, honestly,” Seungwan confesses, although it doesn’t sound sad nor happy. It’s just the plain truth. She doesn’t know what she feels yet.

“Are you…” Joohyun seems to be struggling over her words, giving her a careful gaze. “Do you feel like crying?”

“What?” Seungwan can’t help but chuckle.

“I don’t know… aren’t you sad at all?”

“Are you preparing yourself just in case I cry?”

Joohyun looks like a deer caught in the headlights, and averts her gaze to make it less awkward.

Seungwan smiles in amusement at her roommate and decides to have a little fun with her. 

“What are you gonna do if I _do_ cry, then?” she asks, a little bit teasingly with a small smile on her face.

“I’m going to… leave the room, honestly.” Joohyun doesn’t even try to be coy about it. “Let you mourn over your relationship. Cry it out, yell, scream or something. You do know that long-term relationships still have a chance of getting back together after a breakup, right?” Seungwan doesn’t even know what she’s talking about now. “I know my opinion is unwarranted, but I don’t think you should take it seriously yet. You’re both probably stressed because of midterms week, that’s why he did that to you.”

“He’s a Bio major.” Seungwan bites back her amusement when Joohyun backpedals on the information, obviously not having included that in her calculations. “He’s not that stressed, to be honest.”

“Oh.” 

Joohyun’s face scrunches a little too adorably, dropping her gaze to her lap. 

But she tries again. “Then, um, maybe he’s just giving you time to focus on your exams? You know some people do that out of consideration for their partners. I would, too, if—”

Seungwan snorts unintentionally at that, waving her hand as she laughs. It is so funny hearing Joohyun talk about relationships like she’s ever been in a serious one. The girl is probably one of the few _genuinely_ noncommittal people Seungwan knows.

“Stop… stop it already, unnie. God, you’re horrible at this,” she giggles.

“What? I’m being serious.” Joohyun furrows her brows with a frown, serious.

“And I’m alright,” Seungwan reassures with a smile at the other girl. _For now_ , she wants to say. Everyone should already know by now that she has quite the habit of saving her emotions for a later date. It is unhealthy, but she has got priorities. “Don’t worry, Joohyun unnie. Thank you though. Seeing you try was uplifting.”

Joohyun’s face twists. 

“Please do not ridicule me,” she says, lighthearted, as Seungwan starts to clean up her desk, dropping her spoon and chopsticks straight into her bowl with audible clinks.

“I’m not.” Seungwan laughs, getting out of her seat with the dishes in hand. “I’m genuinely amused.”

“You think it’s amusing that I don’t know how to comfort people?”

“Uh… yes. You’re so awkward.”

“That just makes it even more rewarding that I tried.”

“Exactly!” Seungwan chirps as she starts to walk away from the girl and into the kitchenette, where she dumps her dishes in the sink. “Don’t worry though! I’m sure you’ll learn a thing or two by just being my roommate.”

Now it is Joohyun who laughs by the time she is back, her turn to clean up her dishes with careful hands.

“You’re one to talk,” the older girl teases as she gets up from her seat. Seungwan sits herself on her desk again to prepare for studying. “You don’t know how to process your emotions either. Anyone I know would be crying right now, but it took you a bowl of noodles to remember that your boyfriend broke up with you.”

“ _Ex_ -boyfriend,” Seungwan corrects despite the slight discomfort she feels after saying it so casually. “And everyone has their own way of grieving!”

Joohyun now laughs as she moves away, and Seungwan has always known that her roommate’s laugh was a sound of utter joy—loud and uninhibited, genuine and contagiously funny. She can’t help but chuckle along to it, shaking her head to herself as she flips her Physiology textbook open.

“Whatever you say, roomie,” she hears Joohyun singsong from the kitchenette along with the water running and the dishes getting washed.

Yeah, everybody has their own way of grieving. Some of them cry for days on end, some go out and distract themselves from the pain. Everyone is entitled to their own way of facing pain.

Seungwan wonders if talking with her entertaining (even when she’s not trying to be) roommate counts as such.

-

The community visit evaluation at the end of her midterms served as the paradoxical end to Seungwan’s one-week misery.

Because it would mean the conclusion to all her sleepless nights and missed meals. When it ends, she can finally go out and eat some _real_ food. She can relax and recuperate herself after all of that damage.

Yet on the other side, it would mean half a day of being on her feet, walking around the assigned community to do basic check-ups and recording everything for later reporting to her professors.

It would also mean dealing with those feelings she had stubbornly set aside the entire week for the sake of her exams. She hasn’t replied to Chanyeol at all since the day he dumped her. He has probably rang her phone up a hundred times on that day alone, making Joohyun grumble in annoyance during her sleep and Seungwan squeak out her apologies while she turns them off.

She doesn’t know what that guy is up to either, since she does a social media cleanse every time during exams. The people who have heard about the breakup are already starting to talk though, most probably because her ex knows a lot of people in the university. She just doesn’t listen to the chatter whenever it comes. 

She only needs to get through this evaluation first, she thinks to herself, smiling kindly at the elderly in the community who approach her for their vital signs, and keeping up her joyful composure despite it all.

It seems to be extra hot outside today, the sun almost at its highest peak as the clock braves further into the noontime hours. She is sweating so hard under her white coat, fanning herself with her clipboard when she has no one to attend to.

Eventually, it ends, with a collective sigh and groans of, “Finally!” from her fellow classmates. Seungwan nearly cries in glee when she is finally allowed to take off her white coat in the blazing heat, letting out a heavy sigh of relief when she is rid of the burdensome material.

“Seungwan!”

Seungwan turns around at the call to find her classmate, Jongin, jogging up to her. 

Jongin is an easygoing guy. Having shared a few classes with him, Seungwan can safely say she trusts this man not to say anything dumb in her vicinity. Considering how uptight she comes off during their small group discussions, Jongin should know that Seungwan has one of the least tolerance for bullshit.

The catch is that Jongin is one of Chanyeol’s closest friends in university. In fact, this mutual friendship of the males is the reason why Seungwan was able to build one with him as well. Now that they have broken up, Jongin’s presence only continues to remind Seungwan of her actual problem.

She’s not sure if she is sporting an uncomfortable smile on her face by the time he stops in front of her.

“Why do you look like that?”

So she is.

“What do you need?” Seungwan asks him, direct but polite, with a smile.

“I heard about the—”

“ _Whew_ , okay. I don’t want to talk about that,” she cuts him off swiftly before he could even mention it, turning around with a shake of her head.

“I meant the exam results,” Jongin says, probably just to make her stay and talk, but it works on Seungwan nonetheless.

“They’re out?!” Seungwan stares at him with wide eyes. She didn’t expect them to finish checking the papers so early! It usually took the faculty a week or two to get their scores out.

“Where can I see them?” she asks pleadingly.

“Chanyeol wants to talk to you.”

Seungwan’s look of interest immediately drops to a bemused frown.

“I should’ve known you were going to say this. I’m leaving—”

“Seungwan, come on…”

“Jongin, he dumped me. That’s it. I don’t understand why he still wants to talk.”

“That’s the thing! He doesn’t know if you’ve truly broken up because he said you just left!”

“What was I supposed to do? Cry in front of him?” Seungwan raises an eyebrow incredulously at the male in front of her, who just shyly cowers at her intense gaze with a rub of his hand on his nape. “I’m done talking about this. If you see him, tell him I heard him right the first time.”

“Wait, Seungwan!”

Screw her patience for friends and acquaintances really, because she should already be having some quality time for herself right now, but instead she is still listening to Jongin.

“I don’t know if you want to hear this but… I heard he got wasted last night and made out with some girl in the club.”

No matter how much she tries not to let it, the information actually stirs Seungwan. Despite her indifference at their sudden breakup and her practically ghosting him, she had wanted to believe he’d have the decency not to go around and suck faces not even a _week_ into their parting.

Their relationship did last for a while. She would have wanted the respect, at least.

Noticing how the male in front of her seems to grow more and more doubtful if he did the right thing telling her, Seungwan gives him a genuine smile as reassurance. 

“Thanks, Jongin,” she tells the man gently. “Now I know.”

Everything she has suppressed for the past week is starting to take its toll in her heart. It brews—unpleasant and heavy feelings that start to concentrate and settle in the middle of her chest. She should leave before they come crashing down again. 

She is about to leave once and for all when suddenly, Jongin still has one more thing to say.

“Seungwan—”

She groans in frustration. 

“For the last time, Jongin, what is it?”

He shuffles awkwardly on his feet, a shy smile on his face and pink ears. This can’t be good.

“Does this mean we can’t go on that double date with your friend Seulgi anymore?” he asks, carefully, and it actually makes Seungwan stifle a loud laugh.

“I have told you several times already, Jongin.” Seungwan lets loose a giggle at his face, pinkish and embarrassed, before continuing.

“Seulgi does not swing your way.”

-

Seungwan eats lunch in her favorite European restaurant, dessert in her mom’s favorite dessert restaurant, and even gets her favorite Gong Cha order in large.

Everything is going back to its rightful place. Nature is healing.

Yet she probably overestimated herself way too much in dealing with heartbreak. When she comes home to a half-occupied dorm room with Joohyun lounging on her bed, she doesn’t even notice the girl giving her a short wave in greeting.

Her chest stings, like a painful reminder of why she should’ve stopped doing these things the moment she realized they didn’t make things better, but worse. Because bottling them up, pretending they aren’t already leaking from the jar of her emotional quota, just makes them _burst_ one way or another.

Joohyun stands dumbfounded on her side of the room when Seungwan breaks down crying, hot tears falling down her cheeks incessantly while she takes off her bag. She even has the time to fold her white coat neatly even through her little hiccups, and if Seungwan hadn’t seen the unmistakable figure of her roommate in her peripheral vision, she would have assumed that the girl did leave the dorm like she said she would.

Joohyun is silent through it all, perhaps too silent, as Seungwan slips into her covers and continues crying. Seungwan doesn’t blame her. She already knows Joohyun wouldn’t know what to do anyways.

Yet she can’t tell the girl anything because sobs and hiccups have replaced the words that she was supposed to say. She tries to communicate with her eyes, but endless tears just continue to rush out of them, panicking Joohyun even more.

“I—I…” Joohyun tries. The girl tries so hard that it almost makes Seungwan laugh through her tears, but she only cries harder because _why can’t she laugh?_

Seungwan just decides to spare her the agony and roll over to the other side of her bed, her back facing the girl. She is not that cruel to drag anyone else into her issues.

In fact, she thinks it all comes down to her why she is suffering this much.

-

When Seungwan wakes up from her nap – and she didn’t even notice she had fallen asleep from crying – Joohyun is still inside the room, scrolling through her cellphone while sitting on her own bed.

The girl jumps in shock when Seungwan decides to give her joints a little stretch, anxiety drenching her face a second later like she doesn’t even try to hide her fear of comforting someone.

Seungwan takes it easy on her.

“Please don’t look so scared,” she says with stuffed nostrils and a croaky voice, sitting up. “You look like someone just kicked your puppy.”

“I don’t… have a puppy?”

“Unnie, it’s an expression.”

Seungwan yawns and wipes her drying eyes while Joohyun thinks over the said expression. She has the same confused look on her face consisting of furrowed brows and a slight pout on her lips. _Cute_.

“How long was I out?” Seungwan asks after she was finished.

“Not too long. A couple of hours, maybe.”

“And you were just sitting there the entire time?”

“You make it sound like I don’t do this for longer.”

Seungwan chuckles. “Point taken. Maybe I just assumed you would leave like you said you would,” she teases lightheartedly, to which Joohyun just snorts at.

At least there is someone who isn’t looking at her with pity, annoying curiosity, or in some cases, even glee. At least Joohyun reminds her that not everything is about her past relationship.

“As fiddly as I am with it, I do have a heart, Son Seungwan,” Joohyun says, a toothy grin on her lips that reaches her eyes. 

It is charming and attractive, perfect set of teeth adorning full red lips crookedly, along with that characteristic wink Seungwan has noticed that they both do while smiling. No wonder why she has someone blowing up her social media every two minutes. It isn’t a secret that Joohyun is beautiful and magnetizing. Seungwan just never really looked at her that way since she was too busy thinking Chanyeol could be the one she’d introduce to her parents.

“You should show it more often then,” Seungwan teases her with a grin of her own, feeling lighter after her crying session and her nap. There is still hurt left in her chest through all of it. After all, a breakup is a breakup.

“Yeah, I should probably work on that.” Joohyun chuckles airily. Seungwan just smiles at that as she rolls out of bed and stretches out her bones.

Despite their lighthearted conversation, Seungwan still feels as though there is something else in the air. Something tense and curious, on Joohyun’s end.

She doesn’t mind Joohyun’s curiosity though. It is much different compared to the ones outside of their dorm room.

Finally, after a moment of silence, Joohyun breaks it.

“Did you see him earlier?” is her question, and it surprises Seungwan slightly. Most people would ask simple, vague questions like, “ _What happened?_ ” or “ _Is everything okay?_ ”

She just didn’t expect Joohyun to ask that, out of all questions.

“No,” she answers anyway, sitting on her bed right across Joohyun who is also sitting on her own. “Why do you ask?”

“I just thought you did. That breakdown earlier didn’t seem normal.”

Seungwan snorts with a roll of her eyes. “What do you know about normal?”

“Why do you always think I’m not perceptive?” Joohyun raises an eyebrow. “I’m awkward, Seungwan, not dumb.”

“Okay, I’ll give you that.” She is, after all, a Law student. “What do you perceive then?”

“That you need comfort,” Joohyun answers.

Seungwan leans on her palms on the bed.

“Well, are you going to give it to me?” 

“No, but I can always try at distraction.”

“I admire how honest you are.” Seungwan can’t help but laugh. “What are you gonna do? Are you gonna dance for me?” she asks.

Joohyun gives her a death glare and a frown in response, and Seungwan stifles a laugh.

“I’m guessing that’s a no.”

“It’s a no because I’d worry for you if I did.”

“Oh?” Seungwan’s brow shoots up, mirroring Joohyun’s favorite move. “Now you’ve got my attention.”

“Well, get rid of it, because it’s not happening.”

“Bummer.” Seungwan rolls her eyes as she straightens back up again. “What’s the point of this conversation again?”

“Do you… perhaps… want to play a game?”

Seungwan stares at Joohyun.

She doesn’t seem to be joking.

“A game?” she clarifies.

“Yeah, a card game.” Joohyun nods, as if the question doesn’t sound random at all. Seungwan hasn’t played games since she grew up, and she grew up a long time ago when she went abroad to study there until high school.

“Is this your definition of comfort?” she can’t help but ask.

“I told you, this is a distraction.”

Seungwan thinks there is really nothing wrong with it. Joohyun only has the best intentions, judging by her brute honesty since day one, along with that innocent look on her face that seems to look determined. Determined to make her say yes? Probably.

In some roundabout way, Seungwan understands that this is Joohyun’s way of trying at comfort, although she disguises it as a method of “distraction” just in case it doesn’t work.

But honestly, Seungwan needs it, no matter what it is. The longer the silences are, the more she starts to think back to the circumstances that have made them so unbearable.

So she gives Joohyun a firm nod, deciding that this is a win-win situation. She could have fun, whatever the game is, and she would also grow closer with her roommate.

-

Someone should have told Seungwan not to play card games with a Law student. They have insane skills when it comes to reading people, body language, and practically everything.

Actually, someone should have told Seungwan not to play a card game of concentration with a _Law student_.

Joohyun memorizes everything faster than Seungwan could even remember what she ate that morning.

The girl flips the last pair of cards perfectly once again, totaling her count to 38 pairs while Seungwan only had 14. It is ridiculous. How is she supposed to memorize _two decks_ of cards?

“Sorry,” Joohyun apologizes in her small voice and a careful smile, sincere instead of taunting.

“This is unfair,” Seungwan complains childishly with a pout as Joohyun rounds the cards once more to pool them at her side. They are on the carpeted floor, on the mat Joohyun sometimes sleeps on. “This doesn’t make sense! How are you so good at this?!”

“Because, um… I just am?”

Joohyun is now grinning cheekily at her, and Seungwan is once again reminded of how this girl literally gets people falling at her feet. She just rolls her eyes though, indignant.

“Again,” Seungwan orders with unwavering determination, straightening her position on the mat once again.

She sees the happy look that washes over Joohyun’s face at her genuine interest in the game, and nods eagerly at her.

“Again, it is.”

-

“No!” Seungwan cries as Joohyun flips another pair perfectly to conclude their game at 32-20.

It is already their seventh game. They have already spent nearly three hours on it since Seungwan takes it more seriously than anything else. 

Joohyun still wins every time though, and she doesn’t even look half as stressed as Seungwan is.

At least her counter has grown gradually over the course of their games. Joohyun only looks at her sheepishly while she pools the cards in her hands again, the fiery look of enjoyment in her eyes long replaced by a concerned gaze since the fourth game.

“No!” Seungwan cries again, practically falling to a bow on the mat as she wallows in her seventh defeat. 

“I’m so sorry,” Joohyun says in the same genuine small voice, apologetic smile once again on her lips.

“I am so bad at this!”

“No, you’re not.” Joohyun now furrows her brows seriously. 

“Yes, I am. You keep winning!”

“No. You’re actually doing better than I expected.”

“So that means you had low expectations of me.” Seungwan straightens herself back up with a pout on her lips. “That was such a backhanded compliment, unnie.” Her shoulders deflate with a slouch.

“What—” Joohyun seems to panic. “I meant you were… like, considering how you’ve never played this game before, or how confusing it might be for beginners, or for people who aren’t into games a lot, you are—”

“AGAIN!” Seungwan bellows, slamming her fists down on the mat with an intensity that shakes even Joohyun across her. 

She doesn’t like this. She’s always known of her own misfortune in games, but what she lacks in luck she makes up for in spirit. She is not backing down until she beats Joohyun in this game.

A game she just happens to be ridiculously good at.

Seungwan should step up her game! She’s a Med student, for Christ’ sake. She uses her memory a lot too!

Joohyun’s eyes are a bit worried yet entertained when they look over at her, deft fingers daintily stacking the cards back into a clean deck before starting to shuffle them again. 

Seungwan doesn’t even realize that she’s spent too much time focusing on this game than she is thinking about her ex and the failed relationship. Maybe Joohyun’s methods are actually working, much to her surprise. No matter how disheartening it is when she beats her again every single time.

Joohyun takes a deep breath after finishing her task. She gestures for Seungwan to sit properly while doing so herself. Seungwan follows, of course, she is getting heated already.

“The way you look right now is so scary,” Joohyun comments with a chuckle as she holds the deck above the floor between them.

“Quiet. I’m trying to concentrate,” Seungwan shushes her with a focused furrow of her brows and a frown.

“We aren’t even starting yet.”

“DROP THE CARDS!”

“Okay, okay!” Joohyun laughs, amused as she does as told. She carefully drops the deck to spread into a random clutter, making sure she doesn’t flip a card up in the process.

Seungwan actually cracks her knuckles as she prepares for this game. She knows she is way into it; Joohyun just grabs a pillow to rest on while she lays on her stomach, way too relaxed—but she doesn’t care. She will win this. She _will_.

Joohyun initiates, “I’ll start.”

She gets it wrong on the first try, obviously. Seungwan’s head whips to the cards she flipped over and burns them into her memory as quickly as possible. She hears Joohyun’s soft sigh at the mistake before flipping the cards back down.

“Your turn.”

The first several tries are bound to be filled with honest mistakes. Seungwan only gets two pairs right out of pure luck, and four for Joohyun. Somewhere into the game, she realizes that the woman across her is starting to find the rhythm and pattern in the game already.

She studies Joohyun closely, at the same time keeping track of the cards she flips over.

Joohyun gets two pairs right before she makes a mistake again, tutting to herself. Seungwan eagerly makes her move, swearing she had seen the same pair of eight diamonds earlier. To her glee, her claims are right when she flips the pair correctly.

Seungwan squeals in joy at the small victory, Joohyun just smiling at her wordlessly.

She is actually feeling good about this game. Unlike the previous ones, she is actually more focused and can remember the cards better. Joohyun, on the other hand, is silent all throughout. Sometimes Seungwan wonders just what is going on in the game queen’s mind while playing.

It is a close game. Seungwan actually has the upper hand right now (surprisingly) with 24 pairs, and Joohyun at 22. Seungwan had just gotten a pair wrong with a groan and it is now Joohyun’s turn.

She might actually win this, Seungwan thinks. She only has six pairs left to win.

Then, with a knowing gleam in Joohyun’s eyes as she looks up at her with a secretive smile – Seungwan actually stares back at her oddly – the woman reaches out, and flips the remaining six pairs over flawlessly.

It progresses slowly to Seungwan. The first couple of pairs were understandable, she was still hopeful that she’d be able to close the gap quickly now that she’s almost memorized the other cards.

But then Joohyun flips over another one, and another one, and another one—

The next thing she knows, her panic only comes when Joohyun is already ending the game with another staggering defeat on Seungwan’s end.

“NOOO!” she cries at her eighth loss, hands in her hair out of frustration. In front of her lies the result of the game, six pairs of cards perfectly laid out to add to Joohyun’s stack of wins.

She was close to winning!

“Has anyone ever beaten you at all?” she wails out to Joohyun, who is smiling at her sheepishly again.

“Er…” Joohyun thinks. “Not that I know of.”

“Is there any way to beat you at all?” Seungwan cries.

“There is, actually. Nothing is impossible,” Joohyun answers.

Seungwan’s face scrunches and she wallows in her defeat once again. It is impossible to beat Bae Joohyun in a game. She falls on her butt with the same pout on her lips, hugging her knees to her chest like a little kid.

Joohyun’s face is quite unreadable when she glances at her momentarily while rounding up the cards. Seungwan is not actually _that_ upset about it. She just acts like a little baby sometimes by nature. Her friends can attest to the behavior.

The older girl must have thought the silence meant she isn’t playing anymore, because she was about to keep the cards until Seungwan reaches out one more time and surprises her.

“Again,” Seungwan requests despite her flushed cheeks of embarrassment, a determined gleam still shining in her eyes.

Joohyun looks at her in surprise, her big doe eyes wide and curious. Then she smiles gently and nods, indulging Seungwan.

“Again,” she agrees, making her move to shuffle again.

-

After three more games filled with Seungwan’s pouts and cries at Joohyun’s perfect execution of her win, the underdog finally manages to overthrow the monarch.

Seungwan wins.

In their twelfth game, with a shocking 27-25, Seungwan actually _wins_.

Joohyun just stares up at her with an amused smile as she looks wide-eyed at the testament of her hard-earned victory, no sound coming out from her mouth.

And then Seungwan squeals, screeches with pure delight as the realization just sinks in that yes, she won the game. Yes, she beat _Bae Joohyun_.

Seungwan is in the middle of celebrating her win when she looks over to Joohyun and sees the woman just chuckling softly. Actually, she thinks there might even be a hint of something in Joohyun’s smile—like shared pride of Seungwan’s victory.

Seungwan happily drops onto her knees in front of the other, closer now that the cards are already being kept by the female.

“I say this calls for a celebration.” She grins.

“A celebration?” Joohyun chuckles as she carefully stacks the cards into a deck. “It’s just a game, Seungwan.”

“A game that I beat you in.” Seungwan grins.

“Okay, bighead.” Joohyun’s tease is lighthearted and charming as she gives her a lopsided smile. “What do you want to do?”

“Go out for ice cream!”

Joohyun’s face twists. “But I don’t want to go out right now…” she complains softly, to which Seungwan just narrows her eyes to. The girl is already so pale from staying indoors most of the time. She really needs to get out sometimes.

“Ice cream, or I’m making you dance for me,” she threatens.

“Haha! As if I would dance even if you asked me to.”

“That, or I’m telling everyone you lost to me.”

Seungwan can’t believe Joohyun’s eyes actually widen to that instead. The girl’s pride is really something else.

At the end of the discourse, Joohyun ultimately finds herself being dragged outside by her energetic ball of a roommate, much to her chagrin.

Seungwan laughs at Joohyun’s scowl when she has to dress up to go out, and even more to her frown when she starts tugging at her jacket to walk faster.

“Quickly, quickly! We’re going to run out of ice cream!”

“I don’t think convenience store ice cream is that in-demand to run out quickly.”

Seungwan rolls her eyes to herself and only continues dragging Joohyun by her jacket-clad arm. People who are acquainted with Joohyun’s name and face are staring at them with intrigued eyes as they pass by. Seungwan just smiles happily to herself, unbothered, while Joohyun shifts in light discomfort at the attention.

Seungwan gets blueberry, and Joohyun gets red bean, just to be safe.

“And? And?” Seungwan asks enthusiastically after seeing Joohyun take her first taste of her favorite kind of ice cream, bright smile on her face. “How is it?”

“It’s…” Joohyun licks her lips clean with a contemplative expression. “It’s fine, I guess.” She shrugs.

“Fine!” Seungwan exclaims in incredulity, pouting in upset. “This is the pinnacle of convenience store ice cream. I swear by it.” 

“It’s not that bad, I suppose.”

She takes another taste of her own with an exaggerated sound of delight. “Ugh! When you realize, unnie… when you realize…”

“Realize what, even?” Joohyun asks in confusion as Seungwan instinctively loops their arms together, the question going unanswered in the air. Seungwan doesn’t even know why she did it, but Joohyun doesn’t seem to mind either. She drags them out of the store that way.

Seungwan never really realized how natural it is to spend time with Joohyun like this. It almost feels like they have been close friends since high school. 

She thinks it’s partly her fault for not reaching out to her roommate aside from casual conversations every now and then. As quiet as Joohyun is, she actually seems like a pretty engaging and open-minded person from their conversations. 

Seungwan also has the feeling that she might be the type to prefer skinship, considering how the girl awkwardly reaches out to pat her hand or rub her back whenever she gets frustrated with schoolwork—like she isn’t sure if Seungwan would appreciate it.

Seungwan appreciates it though. Just as much as she appreciates how Joohyun had patiently sat through _twelve_ time-consuming games of concentration for her.

Speaking of, Joohyun’s idea of comfort had actually worked. Seungwan hasn’t thought about Chanyeol at all since she was too busy thinking of ways to beat Joohyun in the game. And she isn’t about to start thinking of him right now when she and her insanely pretty roommate are walking arm in arm down the pavement.

“So I’m guessing it worked?” As if reading her mind, Joohyun’s smile is smug when she breaks the comfortable silence between them. Yet Seungwan isn’t at all mad about it. She likes conversing with Joohyun.

“What do you— oh, you mean your method of ‘distraction’?” Seungwan giggles as she does the air quotations with a hand.

“Of course, what else would it be?” Joohyun’s proud smirk is so annoying, but in a good way. It actually makes Seungwan laugh joyously.

“You know, you could have just said you wanted to comfort me,” Seungwan teases with a knowing grin and a nudge of their interlocked arms.

“I’m awkward at comforting people,” Joohyun actually confesses before paying attention to her ice cream again. Seungwan bets she secretly enjoys it. “It would be humiliating if it didn’t work.”

Seungwan smiles genuinely at her.

“I know I always say you’re awkward and stuff, but you’re not actually that awkward, unnie,” she tells her. “It might even be admirable that you don’t know how to comfort people. It just means everything you choose to do after that is genuine and thought-through.”

“Huh, I didn’t expect to hear a compliment, but okay.” Joohyun chuckles, but Seungwan can see right through her pink ears. Joohyun likes it.

Seungwan slows down their pace pensively, and Joohyun gives her a curious gaze sideways.

“Thank you,” Seungwan suddenly says in earnest with a grateful look at her roommate. 

Joohyun just stares at her.

“Seriously, thank you, Joohyun unnie. For being thoughtful and considerate enough. For staying even when you said you would leave,” she chuckles as she nudges the girl again. “For _trying_.” She grins. “And for losing, most of all,” she doesn’t forget to add. “You did it. You… you comforted me.” She smiles.

Joohyun smiles back at her then, tender, with eyes so intense it almost makes Seungwan cower in self-consciousness. It’s almost as if she has never been genuinely thanked before. That thought makes Seungwan sad deep inside, because Joohyun’s little acts of kindness are acts of kindness nonetheless.

Yet her gaze is so smoldering that it only flusters Seungwan by the second. It is no joke being stared at by someone like Joohyun. It would make anyone’s cheeks flush pink.

And Seungwan is no exception to that. She just goes back to eating her ice cream as an excuse to break their eye contact smoothly, hiding her pink cheeks with her hair.

“It’s no problem, Seungwan-ah.” Seungwan’s ears perk up at the added familiarity to her name. Does this mean they are actually opening up to each other properly now? As close friends? “Though, I’m not so sure you should thank me for the last one…”

Seungwan whips her head to the girl, confused. Joohyun is eating her ice cream as well, but she can still see the sly smirk that hangs on the corner of her lips secretively.

“What do you mean?”

“Er… you see… I don’t know how to say this to you.”

“Unnie!” Seungwan tugs on her arm with a whine of curiosity. “What do you mean by that?”

“Um, well…” Joohyun laughs, and it would have been adorable along with the foam of ice cream on her lips, but Seungwan should’ve known better.

“I actually just let you win… deliberately…” Joohyun confesses, and Seungwan’s entire world actually stills at that very moment.

Joohyun let her win, deliberately, and made her believe she actually had the upper hand? Oh, Joohyun has obviously never seen Seungwan’s persistence getting paired with her need for vengeance. She’s got a whole storm coming when Seungwan just unhooks their arms from each other, and starts power walking back to the dorm complex heatedly.

With every stomp of her foot on the pavement, every musical laugh that escapes Joohyun’s lips and her calls of, “Seungwan-ah!” from behind, Joohyun doesn’t know that Seungwan has already set her mind to twenty more rounds of that _godawful_ game.

Seungwan _will_ win this time. Rightfully so. She will make sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if any of you here watch Kakegurui but the game Wenrene were playing was actually Double Memory! I hope you guys enjoyed this random thingy from me!! I'm not so sure about this work... I'm confused how I can write so much but so little at the same time (you get me? omg). It feels as though this work just came and went like a passing breeze. But ngl I actually like the little universe I created here o_o
> 
> I'm still trying to find my pace once again after rotting for a while, but I hope my work will only improve from here ! Comments would be most appreciated!! :D hit me up on @revelsoda if you guys want :)


	2. it's already engraved in you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It grows inside of Joohyun, the little sprouts of familiarity and intimacy that settles with warmth in her chest.
> 
> Joohyun likes Seungwan. She wants to be a good friend of the girl.

Joohyun stands in front of the full-sized mirror of her closet, hands gripping on the hem of her peach-colored button-down to flatten the wrinkles out.

She looks decent, she thinks. Nothing too formal, nor too casual. Black slacks paired with black loafers, her sleeves rolled up to the elbows, and hair tied back to a ponytail. Should she tuck her shirt in? Should she wear her glasses?

She frowns and tilts her head to the side while looking at her getup, as if it could give her a new perspective on her outfit.

It isn’t bad. Right?

Her roommate saunters in from the kitchenette not long after her lamenting, fingers wrapped around a box of apple juice and her lips puckered on its plastic straw. Seungwan doesn’t have classes today, she had said the night before. Apparently her professor is out of town.

“Whoa!” the younger girl exclaims with gleeful surprise when she looks at her, eyes wide and her lips immediately drawing to a smile. “You look great! What’s the occasion?”

“Class,” Joohyun deadpans with a little smile tickling the corner of her lips, on the side where Seungwan can’t see. “Some of us aren’t so lucky.”

“You are lucky.” Seungwan grins brightly. The free hand that isn’t holding her juice box gestures to Joohyun’s frame from head to toe, seemingly implying something.

“Want to go to my class instead of me, then?” Joohyun challenges with a snicker as she huffs at her reflection on the mirror again, sort of ignoring the obscure implication. 

“Something is missing,” she states flatly, unimpressed.

Seungwan appears on the reflection beside her, a mere step behind. She is still chewing on her plastic straw while taking occasional sips innocently.

“I think you should tuck it inside,” the younger girl suggests with a nod. “It looks better that way.”

“Alright… do you mind?”

“Oh, sorry. Not at all. Hold on.”

Joohyun waits until Seungwan has turned around from her sight to give her some privacy. She hastily tucks in the shirt inside the waistband of her slacks, making sure it looks clean and unwrinkled when she finishes.

Seungwan is right. It looks better. It only needs a belt to go around the empty space between the loops of her slacks, which she easily remedies with black leather. The silver buckle shines brightly against the streaks of light passing through the curtains on the windows. It makes her look sophisticated.

She decides to wear glasses over it, and her favorite leather wristwatch from her father.

“I’ll be leaving already,” Joohyun announces to the room as she takes one final look at her reflection. Seungwan is silent, sitting on the side of her bed while still sipping on her juice.

“Are you going to be alright in here?” she asks with a chuckle, grabbing her bag and books from the edge of her own bed. She looks at her roommate, who only gives her a smile and a thumb up.

Seungwan, Joohyun admits, is such a delightfully cute woman. She is every definition of cheery and bright—her smiles are always generous and open, her cheeks pulling up to form round fluffy balls that almost hide her eyes whenever she does. She exudes a kind and soft aura to her person; never judgmental, always supportive and welcoming. Even her mere presence is a comforting energy to Joohyun.

She wears her heart on her sleeve, that much Joohyun can tell from the semesters they have spent together. Talkative, while still filtering the private parts of herself to keep a cloud of mystery above her head. Blithe, yet still careful not to overstep, to overshare.

Joohyun has always been sensitive to people’s energies from the get-go, as someone who duly relies on her instinct to find which people are compatible enough to be in her small circle. She is careful, very meticulous, and isn’t afraid to distance herself from those who give her a hard time.

But she knew from the moment Seungwan stumbled into the dorm room and apologized bashfully that this girl is going to be a peaceful company. She didn’t know Seungwan yet, but from the way she talked and smiled shyly whenever Joohyun caught her eye (and Joohyun has a habit of staring), Joohyun knew she wasn’t trying to put up some sort of act.

That is the kind of person Seungwan is. Genuine and real. When you know her, you know _her_. How well you know her, however, is where the line between acquaintances and close friends lies.

Joohyun herself doesn’t know where she lies between the spectrum. She definitely knows Seungwan well enough not to be considered an acquaintance, but she thinks she doesn’t know her too much to be called a close friend.

Whatever it is, whoever she is, she still receives Seungwan’s smiles and kind words. That should be enough.

“Have a nice day at school, unnie!” Seungwan’s voice is caring and easy when she bids her goodbye with a wave. Joohyun allows the care, the friendly comfort, and smiles back at the younger girl with her own little wave by the door.

She likes Seungwan. Seungwan is nice.

-

It has been three weeks since then—ever since Joohyun had to comfort a crying Seungwan who was grieving over her breakup.

It has been three weeks since Joohyun’s skin crawled in anxiety of having to deal with things she isn’t acquainted with. People, and feelings. She sure as hell is not acquainted with _people with feelings_.

Contrary to Seungwan’s belief, Joohyun does not actually have a problem with comforting people. She does it to Sooyoung and Yerim occasionally, and they’ve never told her that she sucks. They’ve never told her that she’s bad.

Joohyun has a problem with boundaries. She has a problem with identifying if things are permitted or not, if people would like it or not. She has a problem with classification.

Seungwan is not an acquaintance, but she isn’t a close friend either. So what should she do?

Eventually, Joohyun just decided to let herself do what she normally would have done if she were upset—distraction.

And it worked, surprisingly. With Seungwan’s bright smile and tears devoid in her eyes as they walked down the pavement, peace and companionship shared in between tasty ice creams and swollen lips from the cold, it worked.

Joohyun thought it was odd. She was supposed to be the one comforting Seungwan, but she also found her worries quelled by her easygoing presence. With Seungwan, it was easy to admit that she didn’t know what to do. With Seungwan, it was so easy to be honest.

The girl takes vulnerabilities and turns them into strengths. She sees the good in every bad, finds the line in every obscure situation.

She didn’t let her irredeemable defeats crush all of her spirits. She used them as a fuel to push further, to fight stronger. She took Joohyun’s indecision, and saw them as an action of her subconscious sincerity—one she certainly didn’t expect to hear.

And it touched Joohyun. It touched her a lot.

So no matter how careful Joohyun is when it comes to letting people in, she can’t help but feel relaxed when it comes to Seungwan. She can’t help but feel emotionally drawn to the girl. Seungwan feels… safe.

Seungwan feels like a long-lost friend. Like someone who doesn’t claim to know her (because God knows how much Joohyun _hates_ it when people think they know her), but someone who talks from what she knows of her. Joohyun thinks the distinction is important. She thinks the boundary is important, and that Seungwan respects it.

She likes Seungwan’s respect.

Things have changed since then, gradually. Comfort and familiarity seep under her veins whenever they are close, tingling and itching for a touch. 

Like newfound serenity, Joohyun had realized how satisfying it was to share Seungwan’s warmth when they had interlocked arms. She found herself liking it, subconsciously yearning for it too, from the way she unknowingly sits closer to the girl whenever they are on their desks.

Seungwan doesn’t seem to mind either. She continues to chat the nights away amiably, sometimes nudging Joohyun with her elbow playfully and keeping her arm there for a few seconds. Their laptops, which had been inches apart before, are now tried to their last half-centimeter distance. Sometimes, Seungwan even sneaks a peek at hers, and comments about the things she can’t understand.

Which is… practically everything.

Joohyun just laughs at her, amused. Seungwan is pretty funny, even when she isn’t doing anything remotely worthy of a laugh. Her whole existence is just a joy to be with; a very entertaining, comforting presence.

It grows inside of Joohyun, the little sprouts of familiarity and intimacy that settles with warmth in her chest.

Joohyun likes Seungwan. She wants to be a good friend of the girl.

-

As unbelievable as it sounds, Joohyun sometimes forgets that she has friends. She fixates most of the time, on concrete things, or people who are currently in front of her.

But then again, if your friend is someone like Park Sooyoung, you would want to forget her, too.

“Unnie!” the tall giant cries as she falls to her side dramatically, draping herself all over the smaller girl with a whine. “Blessed be my luck today! Spare me your brain and wit, O Goddess. I have an exam in an hour.”

Sooyoung is Joohyun’s most questionable friend in existence. She doesn’t even remember how they became friends. 

It must have been Jennie, who has a friend named Chaeyoung, who happens to be Sooyoung’s friend, that permitted that little bridge of acquaintance between them to blossom into a friendship. Whatever it was, it has made Sooyoung stick to Joohyun like an annoying bug.

The Chemistry major is not only a complete pain in the ass, but she also drags Joohyun around like a ragdoll. Over time though, as much as she hates it, Joohyun found herself warming up to the younger girl. Sooyoung brings a sparkle of color into her life, painting the bland white walls of her monotone building with greenish hues of her joyful smile.

Sooyoung’s building is just across hers, so she frequents in Joohyun’s whenever she is bored.

“Literally, what on Earth—” Joohyun grumbles with a frown as she tries to push Sooyoung off her, but the girl only clings tighter. “Get off me, you big baby.”

“I need to leech off your energy for the remaining hour. This test will determine my fate!”

“You say that for, like, every test you have.”

“Because every test is equally as hard!”

“Yeah, you just don’t study.”

Sooyoung gasps. “I’m offended you would even say that, unnie,” she dramatizes. “Do you know that there is approximately a fifty-two percent chance that you can get answers right based on pure intuition? It has been scientifically studied—”

“Sooyoung, please stop.”

“Okay.”

Someone passes by them in the hallway, a familiar face. Joohyun actually lifts her head up from Sooyoung’s hold to look at her better, her eyes landing on a slender figure with a pretty face, red lipstick and thick lashes. Why is that face so familiar?

The girl, whose name Joohyun can’t remember for the life of her, just gives her a sly smile and, if she isn’t mistaken, a wink, confusing her even further.

Sooyoung wolf-whistles with her head following the woman unabashedly, but Joohyun just furrows her brows in question.

“ _Whew_ , unnie. Who was that?” she asks in interest, wrapping her arm tighter around Joohyun’s side to pull her close. “She looks like a whole _snack_. I didn’t know you were allowed to wear dresses with revealing necklines here.”

“I honestly don’t remember who that was,” Joohyun admits with a frown. She has never been good with people, much more with names. “And we aren’t. She must have covered it with her coat.”

Sooyoung laughs loudly, amused.

“Damn, unnie, you really suck with names, don’t you? She was definitely giving you the sex eyes earlier. I actually thought you were trying to give her one back.”

“The what?!”

“The—you know… the thing where somebody looks at you like they want to have sex with you—”

“She wanted to have sex with me?!”

“You know what—no, nevermind, unnie. God, you are so dumb sometimes.”

“Dumb, but didn’t you come here so that I could ‘bless’ you?”

Sooyoung grins, giving her shoulder an annoying aggressive rub. “Oh, blessed I am, unnie! That woman earlier, the sex appeal was oozing! I don’t understand why _you_ get all the women when you are so horrible with them. Maybe if you passed them over to my side.”

“It’s not like I want them there in the first place,” Joohyun grumbles. “Shouldn’t you be in your exam hall already? Your test is soon.”

“My building is just a five-minute walk away.”

“And? All of this time you’re wasting with me could’ve been spent reviewing your notes, you know.” Joohyun frowns at her.

“Jeez, unnie. You really want to get rid of me that bad? I’m hurt.” Sooyoung’s nose scrunches up at her, before she finally detaches herself from Joohyun’s side. Thank God. “Let’s drink soon? I think I need to unclench.”

Joohyun doesn’t mind that. She, too, could use the de-stressing from her intense load these days. One might think that after midterms, she’d finally have a break. But her professors just continue to slam case studies over case studies, adding more to the stack she already had piling up back in her dorm room.

Joohyun groans inwardly at the thought of it.

“Yeah, sure.” She shrugs to Sooyoung’s invitation, before nodding at her. “I wouldn’t invite Yerim though. She’s a lightweight. I don’t want to carry her all the way to your dorm again.”

“Aren’t you, too?” Sooyoung snickers.

Joohyun makes a fist in the air. “Shut it,” she threatens, to which Sooyoung just guffaws at.

“I’ll text you, unnie! And please, please, _please_ ,” Sooyoung pleads with clasped fingers as she starts walking backwards to keep their eye contact. “ _Please_ look through your messages.”

Joohyun chuckles at that as she gives the girl a nod and a wave, watching her disappear behind the exit doors when she reaches them. 

-

When Joohyun remembers where she had seen that girl in the hallway earlier, she remembers it in the middle of a game of bluff with Seungwan.

“Ah!” she had exclaimed, a look of revelation in her eyes.

Seungwan jumps in shock across her and nearly drops her cards.

“Ah?” Seungwan tilts her head in confusion. “Are you going to call my bluff?”

“No, no, no.” Joohyun waves her free hand with a shake of her head, uncrossing her legs on the mat they are on. “I just remembered something.”

“Really? Then your head must not be in the game.”

“My head multitasks,” Joohyun retorts with a snicker. “I’m cool like that.”

“ _Yeah_ …” Seungwan rolls her eyes. “Anyways, four diamonds. What did you remember?”

“This girl.” Joohyun stands up from the mat to retrieve her phone on her bed.

“This girl? Unnie, were you thinking about another girl while playing with me?” Seungwan makes an act of frowning disapprovingly up at her, a cute crease between her eyebrows while Joohyun returns. Joohyun gives her a smile, obviously amused.

“I was just bothered the entire day, okay.” She taps through the long list of unread notifications, clearing them away and swiping through her applications. “This girl today, she gave me a wink—”

“She gave you a _wink_?”

“Yes, that’s not the point. The point is, she was looking at me like I was supposed to recognize her, which I don’t.”

“Wow, unnie, you are so horrible.” Seungwan shakes her head incredulously. Joohyun just ignores her, because she has heard practically the same thing from Sooyoung today.

“We matched on Tinder!” Joohyun says when she finally opens the app to see that she is, in fact, correct about her hunch.

There she is, on the screen, the same girl that she had seen in the hallway earlier that day, masquerading under the name of Son Naeun.

Don’t get her wrong—Joohyun has barely touched her dating apps after installing them and setting up a profile. Sooyoung had dragged her into the world of hookups and told her to do so, only because Joohyun’s “gay-dar” is so bad (as per the younger girl’s words) that it is sort of pitiful.

After a few hookups, however, Joohyun eventually got bored of it. Especially when none of these women so far have been substantial for her, and most of them got easily attached after the first date. She kept the apps around though, just because she keeps forgetting to delete them.

Now Seungwan has an unreadable look on her face, eyes careful and calculating, and Joohyun blinks blankly at her over the gadget in her hands.

“Oh, don’t worry, unnie.” Seungwan must have sensed how Joohyun is finding her face quite apprehensive, waving a hand in the air dismissively. “No judgment in here,” she says with a smile on her face. “You say she gave you a wink earlier?”

“Yeah.” Joohyun now locks her phone and tosses it to her bed again. “Nothing unusual though. Maybe I just got spooked since she looked familiar. I must have gone on a few dates with her.”

“Wow! Are you doing this on purpose, unnie?” Seungwan now has a curious look on her face, leaning forward slightly on the mat.

“Doing… Doing what on purpose?”

“Being an ass? It’s like you don’t even remember the women you go out with. I know a lot of fuckboys on campus do it on purpose, so… do you?”

“Wha—what?” Joohyun leans back in surprise, holding her cards to her chest instinctively. “I… I genuinely didn’t remember. I have so much in my head, I don’t have time to remember names and faces I don’t encounter frequently. I don’t—I don’t do it on purpose, of course.”

“Hm.” Seungwan now eyes her suspiciously, straightening back onto her previous position. “Who do you encounter frequently, then?”

“My friends, but even I don’t see them every day. Speaking of…” Joohyun segues the conversation to the perfect opportunity, remembering how she had talked about getting drinks with Sooyoung earlier that day.

Joohyun had gotten back to the dorm room with Seungwan burying her face in books again, which is characteristic of the girl. She had wondered if Seungwan even has time to unclench for herself. It is important to take a break in such a stressful environment that they are in. If she recalls correctly, she has never seen Seungwan party or get drunk at least once.

Surely Seungwan wouldn’t mind…

“My friends and I… we’re planning to have drinks this weekend. You want to come with?”

It’s really just Sooyoung, and possibly Yerim… and there definitely was no plan over the weekend, but Joohyun will orchestrate that herself.

Seungwan seems surprised, a pretty honest look of shock plastered on her face at the invitation. Joohyun doesn’t know how to deconstruct it. Is Seungwan surprised in a good way? Is she going to say yes?

Joohyun knows if Seungwan declines, it would definitely take a strike at her pride. She admittedly doesn’t handle rejection well, especially since it’s not often that she instigates something. 

There is a deafening silence that looms over their heads for a few seconds, but those seconds were all agonizingly slow to Joohyun. Seungwan is unreadable across her. Joohyun doesn’t like it when people are unreadable.

What if Seungwan says no? Considering their discourse earlier and her mild shock at Joohyun’s _lifestyle_ , she wouldn’t be surprised if the girl would want to distance herself for a bit. What if she rejects the offer?

Joohyun feels her bones tremble with every second that passes by. This doesn’t look good. Why did she have to throw the invitation out in such an inconvenient time?

But she was comfortable with Seungwan! Is it wrong to be comfortable with her? Was she _too_ comfortable?

Then with a smile, Seungwan nods. Once, twice, then it becomes a succession of a few more eager nods, and it surprisingly brings Joohyun peace.

“Sure!” Seungwan chirps, easy and melodious and kind, and Joohyun can’t stop the contagious smile from creeping up on her own lips at the confirmation. “That would be nice.” She grins.

“It would be,” Joohyun agrees silently, more to herself, as she reaches for her phone on the bed to compose a quick text message.

_Drinks this weekend. You can bring Yerim too, I’ve changed my mind. I’m bringing my roommate._

“Now,” Joohyun says as soon as she sends the text, bringing her attention back to her cards. “Shall we continue our game?”

-

The week rolls by pretty fast. Joohyun had just made plans with Sooyoung and Yerim on Wednesday, running them over the do’s and don’ts around Seungwan and the friend she has invited. The next thing they know, the get-together is already around the corner.

They meet up for dinner at the _samgyeopsal_ restaurant near their university. Sooyoung and Yerim had gone first to get them a table, since they are roommates in the dorm nearer to the restaurant. Joohyun and Seungwan followed right after. Seungwan’s friend would just be catching up, she said, since she has Saturday classes.

Sooyoung, much to Joohyun’s chagrin and unease, had taken a completely unabashed liking to Seungwan the first second they met. Joohyun can’t blame her though. Seungwan is just the kind of person you can’t help but like—she is amazing like that.

Joohyun also knows that Sooyoung is, in all aspects, the definition of _clingy_. It is not a surprise that she has already latched herself onto Seungwan so early into their dinner.

“Unnie! You didn’t tell me your roommate was an absolute cutie!” Sooyoung would swoon loudly in the middle of their dinner. She had her arms wrapped all around Seungwan’s left one, the girl sitting next to Joohyun on the round table.

Joohyun had thought placing Seungwan far away from her two devilish friends would prevent the chances of having an embarrassing encounter, but Sooyoung has always been a magnet for explosive first impressions whether she likes it or not.

“Sooyoung, please stop bothering Seungwan,” Joohyun pleads lightly with a groan, shaking her head.

Yerim, who is a vacant seat away from Joohyun due to Sooyoung leaving hers to terrorize the newcomer, is just cooking meat on the griller unaffectedly.

“Oh, no, no.” Seungwan giggles as Sooyoung presses her cheek on her arm and coos. “It’s fine, unnie. I don’t mind.”

“Please don’t say that.” Joohyun grimaces with a look at a smitten Sooyoung. “She’s never going to stop if you enable her.”

“Then let her enable me!” Sooyoung exclaims, eyes still on Seungwan. “You like me, right, sunbaenim? Joohyun unnie is just mad that I’m stealing her friends.” She sticks her tongue out childishly at her, before returning to the woman on her side. “Seungwan sunbae, perhaps I can call you… _unnie_?”

Sooyoung’s drawl of the relatively intimate honorific is a telltale of a tactic Joohyun should be very familiar with. Judging by the way Seungwan nearly chokes on her side dish and blushes a wild shade of red, Joohyun rolls her eyes at Sooyoung’s blatant _flirting_.

“Unnie!” Seungwan slips out, more to the word than a call to Joohyun, before covering her mouth with coughs. “Unnie… is fine. You can—you can call me unnie.”

Sooyoung squeals, delighted. She takes a piece of cooked meat that Yerim was supposed to be reaching for, and puts it on top of Seungwan’s rice with a smile. “Ah, eat well, my sweet unnie!” She strokes the girl’s hair. “Oh, I’m already tethered to you.”

“Yah!” Yerim bellows with wide eyes at Sooyoung’s daylight robbery, except that it’s night. “Joohyun unnie, can you _please_ contain that little beast over there? One of these days she might find herself faced with a murderer, with that overly flirty nature of hers.”

“Seungwan unnie is far from being a murderer!” Sooyoung shrieks with a protective arm over the aforementioned girl. “Right, unnie?”

Seungwan nods, chopsticks still in her mouth. “I don’t think I should be in any category of the sort,” she says with a smile.

Yerim only snorts. “I meant me. Sooyoung unnie, you’re going to be murdered by me.”

“Okay, girls, please behave,” Joohyun deadpans with a heavy sigh. “Have you forgotten that we still have a fifth guest? And she’s already coming.”

Joohyun spares a glance at Seungwan, who is laughing at something Sooyoung had said. She prompts her attention with the pitcher of water in hand.

“You want some?” she asks.

“Yes, please.” Seungwan holds her cup out with both hands, which Joohyun starts to pour water into. “Thank you.”

“Your friend is near, right? I’m sorry that these two couldn’t wait until your friend has arrived. I told them several times to wait.” Joohyun smiles bashfully as she places the pitcher back on its place.

“It’s fine, unnie. I’m also guilty of it myself.” Seungwan chuckles as she takes a sip of her cup. “I’m sure my friend won’t mind either. Oh, and there she is.”

The friend, the fifth to the group, is a tall, slender woman with just as kind a shimmer to her face as Seungwan. She has full, round cheeks, with monolid eyes that turn into thin crescents of pure, unadulterated happiness when she smiles.

Her smile is comforting, childlike, and Joohyun understands why this is Seungwan’s best friend.

Seulgi sits next to Seungwan on the round table, much to Sooyoung’s pouts and dramatic parting from her new favorite unnie. She greets them all with courteous bows and several more eye smiles, and Joohyun already knows that she likes this friend of Seungwan.

They eat, they chat, they laugh and they bond. Yerim has also gotten attached to Seulgi, just as Sooyoong has with Seungwan. They seem to share the same predilection for games and curious humor; a match made in heaven.

It is a beautiful sight, Joohyun isn’t ashamed to admit it. She smiles at how the night has become. Not only has she gained a new friend—apparently Seulgi also loves dancing, and they both agreed to have a collaboration one day (much to Seungwan’s knowing and interested gaze that Joohyun only waves away with a roll of her eyes), Seungwan has also gained two.

They all come together like people who have been friends forever, their clashing personalities surprisingly complementing one another easily despite the differences.

Seungwan, Joohyun spares a look to her side to check, also has that pleasant smile on her face while she looks at them—beautiful and warm, amused by a clueless Seulgi getting involved in a totally rigged game orchestrated by Sooyoung and Yerim.

Joohyun catches her eye in the middle of her affectionate gaze, warm hearts and cheeks slightly flushed from the unadulterated joy of friendship (and also maybe because of the soju), and they both smile at each other.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” Joohyun asks, leaning over to make sure Seungwan hears it over the booming music, rambunctious drunk men, and the triplets’ laughter.

“I am.” Seungwan nods earnestly, pleasant smile on her face. Their hands are suddenly too close to each other on the table. “Are you?”

Joohyun tries not to let it faze her so much how Seungwan’s baby blue sweater seems to create a tempting static against hers. It’s probably just the alcohol in her system acting up. They did have a good amount of it, obvious in the other girls’ drunken giggles across them.

She blinks the distraction away, not realizing that she had been paying more attention to the short distance between their hands than necessary.

She brings her eyes back to Seungwan’s shimmering ones, the girl’s cheeks shyly kissed with a pink flush, and nods.

“Very much so,” Joohyun says. She is so glad she invited Seungwan to this gathering.

-

When the night ends after all the loud laughter and impromptu karaoke sessions in the restaurant’s drop coin karaoke machine, they find out that Seulgi is an even bigger lightweight than Yerim is. Actually, she is the biggest lightweight out of the five.

She drapes herself all over her best friend, whining and trying to kiss her cheek, much to Seungwan’s groans and efforts to keep her up. Joohyun can only chuckle in amusement at the struggle, unable to help because she is also busy with Sooyoung and Yerim as well.

“I can’t believe we drank nearly _ten_ bottles of soju with lightweights,” Seungwan would grumble with a huff as soon as they have guaranteed their friends’ returns to their homes and dorms. 

They now stand next to each other just outside of the university gates after making sure Seulgi’s brother has fetched her safely. It is already around 10 in the evening and the university’s premises are nearly deserted.

Joohyun just giggles next to her, shoving her hands into her jacket pockets to keep them from the coldness of the night air.

“We didn’t have much choice. They ordered it themselves,” she says with a smile, Seungwan following her inside the gates beside her.

“I’ve always known Seulgi can’t take alcohol well though. She’s like a little baby.”

“She is, isn’t she? It’s adorable.”

Seungwan nudges her arm with an elbow, surprising Joohyun slightly that it prompts a chuckle to escape her lips at the act.

“Easy there, I’m watching you.”

“What?”

“Don’t you dare go around targeting my best friend like that. I know your kind. You are dangerous.”

“Dangerous!” Joohyun laughs as they pass by a security guard who gives them a curious look before realizing they are dormers. Most of the streetlights are already turned off this late at night, the only sources of illumination being the entrances to nearby buildings that they pass by occasionally.

“I think you’re very mistaken about me, Seungwan-ah. I’m not dangerous at all.”

“I haven’t forgotten about your whole… ‘I don’t remember women’ thing going on. You’re on thin ice, Bae Joohyun.” Seungwan gives her a glare obscured by the darkness of the night. Joohyun still sees it though, because of the shining moon above them.

“I said she’s cute. Is it wrong to find someone cute?”

“Yes, for people like you. It’ll only be a matter of time before you make her fall in love with you. You will follow her tonight, she will follow you back because she’s nice, then you will do your… thing… and then she will get smitten with you just like everyone else does.”

“I’m flattered that you think that way about me, but I don’t see how that’s my fault. I’m not particularly _targeting_ her, like you accusingly say so.”

“Just—stay away from my best friend, okay? Or I will kick your ass.”

“Alcohol has made you brave, huh?” Joohyun grins in amusement at the other. “You don’t even call me unnie anymore.”

Seungwan scrunches her nose, a cute pout growing on her lips. 

“... Unnie,” she supplies unhelpfully.

It must be the soju that is still lingering in her veins, or maybe it is because Seungwan looks adorable in this light and this is the closest they have ever been—arms touching with their sweaters and jackets chafing against each other, close enough to have a feel of the other’s heat—but Joohyun doesn’t hesitate to reach her hand out.

She reaches out, and pats Seungwan’s head twice, giving it a gentle rub afterwards. Friendly.

“Don’t worry, Seungwan-ah.” Seungwan doesn’t protest to the touch, and Joohyun can’t seem to bring her hand down either. “I don’t know what you’re insinuating about me, but I won’t do it to Seulgi.”

“You better not!”

“You have my word. Period.” Joohyun cackles as she drops her hand back to her jacket pockets.

“I think I’ve seen her several times. She frequents in my building somehow.”

“Hey!” Seungwan glares at her again and Joohyun laughs.

“I’m not kidding! I’m sure she doesn’t go to my college though. Stop antagonizing me.”

“I will keep my eye on you until I’m sure you aren’t onto her.”

“Alright, so tell me what she’s doing in my building so I can avoid her.”

“She doesn’t want to round the block to get to hers, so she takes the route inside yours. She said it is nearer, so.”

“Ah, I see. She’s a Fine Arts student?”

“Yup! Only the best.”

“She must know my friend then. Fashion Design. Jennie Kim.”

“I don’t know. I’ll make sure to ask her when I get the chance.”

“There is no need. I just think it would be nice to expand the circle.”

“Do you want to link arms?”

Joohyun’s heart jumps at the sudden query, the innocent question meandering seamlessly into the night air and camouflaging as cricket noises in the forest that decoratively surround the path to their dormitory complex.

But Joohyun still caught it, crisp and loud. She nearly stops in her tracks if it weren’t for the millisecond delay between her mind and her body courtesy of the alcohol.

“Yeah… yeah, sure. I don’t mind.”

Seungwan loops her arm around hers, comfortable, and presses against her side naturally. Her heat is comforting in the chilly air, suffusing a content warmth throughout Joohyun as they mesh together. Even to the way her hand crawls around her bicep like a vine and settles as a gentle grip on the fabric of her jacket, it is all so delicate and pleasant. It is all so _nice_.

Joohyun likes this. Seungwan is warm.

They talk about different things. Everything. Nothing. Seungwan has a tendency to digress every three sentences, and Joohyun has the patience to listen to every word and bring them up if it deems fit. They laugh over something silly, and Seungwan cries over something abhorrent. They spend time, like they always do in their dorm room, never running out of words to say and things to talk about.

To Joohyun, the night sky smiles down at them beautifully with its twinkling stars and bright moon. To Joohyun, a walk from the university gate to their dorm would only last her roughly fifteen minutes.

To Joohyun, Seungwan smiles, and she matches her steps until they are languid and relaxed on the empty asphalt.

To the both of them, maybe, Joohyun hopes, a decadent wish stands that they’d want the road to stretch for far longer than it does, just to milk the very last moments of the time that has become simply precious.

-

Sooyoung drags Joohyun by the arm the moment she sees the woman descend the front steps of her building. Joohyun should’ve known that the younger girl was up to no good when she had a glance of that fiery look on her face from inside.

“Let’s go, let’s go.” Sooyoung tugs on her arm impatiently.

“Go? To where?” Joohyun is confused. Sooyoung just keeps tugging annoyingly at her arm. “Yah, Park Sooyoung! Stop dragging me!” she pulls it back with a force and a frown on her lips. 

She had just gotten out of her last class for the day, and that class had been handled by the most terrifying professor in her department. She is _tired_ , physically and mentally. The last thing she needs is chaos to finish her day.

Sooyoung must have noticed the serious tremor in her voice, because apology blanches her face a second after she realizes her mistake. She takes a step nearer Joohyun and wraps a hand around her arm gently now.

“Sorry, unnie,” she says, genuine, after noticing Joohyun’s stressed and fatigued look. “I just… well, I just wanted to go see Seungwan unnie.”

“Great, now you’ve made me feel even shittier. You were only planning to use me to get to her?” Joohyun raises an eyebrow bemusedly at the other.

“No, of course! I also planned to exploit your funds and ask you to buy me some food after.”

Joohyun glares at her cold and hard, and Sooyoung smiles sheepishly with a dip of her head.

“Can we please? I’ll settle for the free option.”

“Her building is all the way up the hill, Sooyoung. That’s so far. I’m tired.”

“We can take the shuttle!”

“Are you paying?”

“Um…”

“Then forget it.”

“Unnie!” Sooyoung cries, dramatic, as Joohyun brushes past her to start walking the path to her dorm complex. “Unnie, _please_ ,” the taller girl whines when she catches up to her and drapes herself over her back again. “I miss Seungwan unnie. I didn’t even get her number last time! I was drunk off my ass!”

“Then that is your fault. Do not concern me with it.”

“Heartless! Absolutely heartless!”

“Oh, hey, Sooyoung and Joohyun unnie!”

Their heads snap to the third party that greets them from the side, right out from the pavement on the side of Joohyun’s building.

Seulgi comes into view, a bright smile on her lips and her hand waving, which instinctively makes Joohyun raise hers as well.

Sooyoung is less modest, breaking apart from Joohyun to meet the other girl in a loud greeting and invasive hug. Joohyun thinks it isn’t necessary at all. Seulgi must be too nice for her own good though, because she only returns Sooyoung’s hug just as tightly.

“Where are you guys headed?” Seulgi asks with a smile now that Sooyoung finally takes her to Joohyun’s side.

“I was just going h—”

“To Seungwan unnie’s building!” Sooyoung interrupts with a determined fist in the air, before Joohyun could even finish.

“Really?” Seulgi’s eyes widen in delight. “What a coincidence, me too! What do you say we all go together? I’m sure Wannie would love it!”

 _Wannie_ , Joohyun almost smiles subconsciously at the cute nickname but she catches herself. 

Then she realizes the direness of the situation, and how she is being dragged right into it. _Holy hell._

“No, no. I think I’m going to go first. I’m so tired, I can’t—”

“Nonsense, unnie!” Sooyoung loops both of her arms around each of Seulgi’s and Joohyun’s to lock them into place. “I’m sure _Wannie_ unnie would love it, right?” she asks Seulgi with a beam, who only returns it cluelessly.

Something doesn’t sit right with Joohyun, how Sooyoung is suddenly using the nickname for her own. It was better when it was Seulgi saying it. Sooyoung and Seungwan aren’t that close. Why would she use that?

At the end of the discourse, Joohyun finds herself begrudgingly following anyway. She just wants to make sure Sooyoung won’t act brash around Seungwan without her. The friendship that surrounds the five of them is still premature. It is best to be cautious of any possible misunderstanding.

Or maybe because Joohyun also wants to see how Seungwan is in her own building. A diligent student, walking around with her white coat. A pleasant smile on her face, friendly. 

Maybe.

But Joohyun did not expect to see Seungwan without her white coat and friendly smile when they found her in the building. 

She certainly did not expect to see Seungwan in a confrontation with her ex when she does.

The guy—what was his name? Chaneol? _Chan…_ Joohyun doesn’t even remember. His handwriting on one of the letters Seungwan used to keep in a jar on her desk was nothing short of confusing. Even when she tried squinting at it to read, she still couldn’t.

Maybe it’s best to keep referring to him as “the ex”. She wouldn’t want to butcher his name, his birthright.

Seungwan’s ex is tall. He towers over her generously, about a foot’s length in difference, with broad shoulders and a large body. He has medium-length chocolate hair that curls into a comma over his eyebrow, the strands brushed back neatly to give him the characteristic boy-next-door look.

He is handsome, Joohyun will give him that. He has a dimple that matches Seungwan’s shy one on her cheek, and eyes that are as soft as hers. Anyone looking would undoubtedly believe that the two make a good couple.

Too bad they broke up. Too bad they are currently arguing.

“I feel like we are intruding on something,” Sooyoung carefully tells the two girls beside her once they reach the third floor, which is where Seungwan told Seulgi she would be.

“You feel? No shit, Sherlock. We are,” Joohyun hisses while tugging on hers and Seulgi’s shirts to pull them away from the corridor. “Let’s just wait for her outside. Come on.”

“No, I feel like…” Seulgi bites her lip as she keeps her eyes on the arguing couple anxiously. “I feel like Seungwan needs an intrusion. She can’t be comfortable talking to him right now.”

“We don’t speak for her feelings,” Joohyun reminds them, although she does feel a persistent tickle of unease and annoyance the longer she looks at them. The last time she had seen Seungwan involved with the idea of him, she had broken down in their room and cried herself to sleep. And that had been without seeing him.

A part of Joohyun wishes she had the courage to pull Seungwan out of there. A part of Joohyun wishes she could barge in and tell the guy to piss off. But she juggles between not having the right to do so, and also having to be the bigger person and staying out of it.

They wait outside of the building, just as Joohyun had wanted. Sooyoung is actually standing silently next to her against the railings of the front steps while Seulgi paces around anxiously in concern for her best friend.

It takes a while until they see the ex storm out of the building with a scowl on his face, obviously not happy. He doesn’t even recognize Seulgi as he goes out, whereas the girl’s eyes had sparked in recognition of him.

Not long after, Seungwan follows. 

Her shoulders are slumped, her bag lazily dangling off a shoulder, and her hair falls over her eyes like she did it on purpose.

Joohyun is suddenly scared, suddenly overwhelmingly _worried_. She jumps onto her feet, traces her eyes along the lines of Seungwan’s cheeks where she had seen those painful tears slide down that day she came home crying—fearing, hoping she wouldn’t have to see that again.

Seungwan doesn’t cry, but she doesn’t laugh either.

The rest of the afternoon is somber, and Sooyoung does manage to make Seungwan smile albeit only slightly. Seungwan tries, Joohyun notices, to put up a cheery act for Seulgi and Sooyoung.

Maybe even to her, but Joohyun knows better.

She doesn’t speak as they walk down the hill to part ways at the crossroads. Sooyoung and Seulgi leave with worried glances and gentle hugs to Seungwan, while Joohyun stands awkwardly beside her, hoping her presence would at least account for a little bit of _something_.

Seungwan is silent all the way to their dorm room. Joohyun can only afford sneaking glances every now and then to see if the girl is crying—which she surprisingly isn’t.

All of the tiredness in her body has somehow flown out of the window the moment she saw Seungwan feeling down. Joohyun doesn’t understand why she feels the need to cheer Seungwan up; why she itches to make the girl feel better even though it isn’t an obligation.

Joohyun realizes that a glum Seungwan, a Seungwan without her smiles, is just as bad as a sky without the sun.

But Joohyun, poor Joohyun, really does not know what to do in times like these. 

She could offer to buy the girl her favorite food for free, or she could watch Glee with her even if she doesn’t understand English. She just needs to do something, anything, just to liven Seungwan’s spirits.

“Unnie…” Seungwan calls out softly, and Joohyun doesn’t even realize she had been standing in front of her own bed statically in her own thoughts until Seungwan calls her.

“Hm?” She turns her head to give the girl a questioning look, finding her curled up on her bed over the sheets. 

There is a sad gleam in her eyes. Joohyun doesn’t want to see it. It saddens her as well.

“It’s alright,” is what Seungwan tells her, making an effort to pull her lips into what she might have hoped was a genuine smile. “I’ll be alright. You don’t have to worry about me.”

But Joohyun does, no matter how much Seungwan assures her that she shouldn’t. That’s just the kind of person she is. She can’t just possibly get rid of it.

“I…” she starts, laying down her bag on her bed gently as she turns to face Seungwan’s bed better.

“I have a heart,” is all she manages, lame and dumb and _stupid_ , she curses herself.

But Seungwan laughs.

Soft and hushed, an easy smile now tickling on the side of her lips while the other half of her face is pressed against her pillow. And that second of barely audible laughter… it makes Joohyun’s stomach jump and flutter.

Like an accomplishment. Like she made Seungwan _laugh_.

“I know you do, dummy,” Seungwan says after a while, and if Joohyun is delusional she would have believed a sort of intimacy drips lightly over her words. “I just… I don’t want to make it hard for you.”

“I don’t want to make it hard for _you_.”

“Well, it’s already hard for me, isn’t it?” Seungwan smiles, and Joohyun curses her ex in her mind. “There isn’t much I can do.”

“It shouldn’t be.” The words escape her lips before she can even stop them. 

She wants to tell Seungwan she doesn’t deserve any of the hurt that she is feeling. That she, of all people, should be showered with only good things in return of the kindness that she incessantly gives out to everyone. She sees it, in the time that they spend together, in the short time that she has spent with her newfound friends.

But what would that do? Joohyun knows it isn’t what Seungwan needs to hear. It isn’t what anyone needs to hear when they are sad—it only reminds them of the reality that they are hurting. It only trivializes the pain.

She could offer to beat the ex up, or something. She’s definitely no match for him, but she can go out of her way and flatter a same-sized guy to do her bidding.

But that would be so low of her. Surely there must be some other way…

Seungwan sits up, all of a sudden, pushing back the strands of her bangs with a hand. Joohyun can see her eyes more clearly. Still soft yet vulnerable, but there isn’t a film of unshed tears in them. Just… bare, just tired. Joohyun feels honored that Seungwan would allow her to see that side of her.

“Unnie.” Seungwan’s voice is so delicate that Joohyun wants to cradle it in her hands.

“Yes?”

“I… I think.” Seungwan smiles sadly, almost pleadingly, and something inside Joohyun trembles. “I think I might need a distraction.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I caved in?!? This was not supposed to be the plan (or was it? Hmm) but I've received really nice feedback for this and I was also admittedly attached to this oneshot! ^0^ there were comments saying Joohyun didn't really get time to shine in the oneshot so here it is, a whole chapter into the life and musings of the awkward campus crush Bae Joohyun :D
> 
> This will probably just be a short multi-shot since I don't want to drag the story around. I hope you guys enjoyed this! This was not beta read so I'm sorry if there are any errors T_T Comments would be most appreciated!! ♡


	3. even the shadows get lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungwan has always been grateful for Joohyun since the very beginning. She was always there for her, always so ready to cater to her. She showed up with a deck of old cards and thoughtful eyes, and smiled at her whenever she needed the show of happiness. 
> 
> Joohyun is so, _so_ good to her. Joohyun doesn’t hurt her.

Seungwan is already on her fifth bottle of beer when Joohyun gently wraps her hand around its body to pry it away from her numbing mouth.

She just grumbles though, stubbornly presses the cold glass tighter against her lips. 

The alcohol is light and sweet on her tongue when it meets her lips, but still bitter and fuzzy with every swig. They send jitters through her nerves and make her orientation oscillate between sobriety and drunkenness. 

Seungwan knows she has always been a good drinker. She has higher tolerance than most—back in Canada, she used to drink the nastiest concoctions only high school kids could whip up. It often ended up in mean hangovers that lasted for days and several more promises of not doing them again, only to find herself doing them again and puking all over her front lawn in the morning for her parents to see.

Since then, her tolerance has solidified itself to a T. She can handle her alcohol well. This is nothing. Five bottles of relatively mild beer can hardly deter her.

But one should never underestimate the power of alcohol mixed heavily with feelings. What Seungwan was supposed to achieve with ten shots of tequila on an empty stomach is now happening on five bottles of Smirnoff Ice and appetizers.

Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic.

Joohyun’s cheeks are flushed as well beside her, but Seungwan notices that she is still on her third bottle, wedged in between her legs half-empty.

The lights from the rotating LED bulb hanging from the ceiling paint multicolored stars on the white walls of the room. It makes Seungwan even dizzier than she would have liked herself to be.

It must have been an hour or two ago, when she had dragged Joohyun out of their dorm room and insisted that they go to the nearest karaoke box outside of their university.

“I don’t…” Joohyun had tried protesting with an unsure grimace. “I don’t sing.”

“Everybody sings, Joohyun unnie.” Seungwan had forced herself to put on her most believable grin for the girl, not sure if Joohyun even bought it. She doesn’t really care anyway. She just needs to drown herself in alcohol and ten throat-scratching high-pitched songs about sadness right now.

“Well, I’m not good at it.”

“I’m not either.”

Seungwan knew it was a lie, of course. She just really needed Joohyun to come. And it wasn’t like she was going to spend her time singing perfect notes over clear melodies when she is hurting. One doesn’t enjoy karaoke with friends that way.

Eventually Joohyun budged, probably because Seungwan had been adamant that this was what she had meant by “distraction”, or maybe because she couldn’t anymore think of other card games to play. Either way, Seungwan is glad that the woman agreed to her whim despite the clear uncertainty that painted her face the entire way. Joohyun is nice like that.

It could’ve been Seulgi whom she invited, Seungwan would think in hindsight when they have already settled in a room at the far end of the hallway. Seulgi would undoubtedly sing to her heart’s content with her, bend over their bodies to try and reach high notes until the veins on the side of their necks protruded dangerously. 

Seulgi would yell, she would cry with her, get drunk and wobble over unsteady feet with arms slung over each other’s shoulders. But Seungwan always had to sober up earlier whenever she drank excessively with Seulgi. The girl sometimes blacks out when she has too much to drink, and Seungwan has to step up and be the bigger person between them so they don’t leave in an even bigger mess than they had come in.

Joohyun is different from Seulgi. Joohyun handles her alcohol well, doesn’t feel pressured to add more bottles whenever Seungwan does, and Joohyun keeps an eye on her.

For the first time in a long time, Seungwan is actually given the permission to lose herself to utter inebriation.

“Seungwan,” Joohyun’s soft voice calls out from beside her on the long leather seat. She is still chugging her beer mindlessly, gulping malt over malt to finish it as soon as possible. _So I can move onto the next one_.

“Seungwan.” Joohyun’s voice is firmer now.

“What?” she slurs when a small burp finally forces her to pull the bottle away. Joohyun doesn’t seem to mind the indecent slip though, and only looks at her seriously.

“Slow down,” the woman tells her kindly, patiently. “You need to slow down.”

“I need to get _drunk_ , unnie!” Seungwan disregards her as she chugs the remaining one-fourth of her bottle, before setting it down on the glass table noisily. “Give me the remote. Give me… give me the—” She gestures blindly to wherever with droopy eyelids. “The _thing_ … I want to sing.”

Joohyun cautiously hands her the big remote from her side with both hands, and Seungwan starts pressing keys the moment she takes them into her own.

She chooses an old power ballad her father used to sing at home when she was still a child. It is sad, it is hard to sing, and it is exactly just what she needs.

Joohyun just watches her closely from the side and lifts her amber bottle to her lips silently, crossing her legs.

There are so many things that Seungwan wants to forget tonight. There are so many things she wants to scream out into the metal mic and slip hot tears past her eyes to grieve. These are the same things that she should face as soon as possible instead of drowning them in bouts of bitter alcohol, but here she is.

Chanyeol had wanted to get back together with her, he made it clear when he showed up to her building and cornered her into an argument that she wasn’t ready for. He spoke of regrets, of things he hadn’t meant, of a love that was still there no matter how hard he tried to deny it, and Seungwan just couldn’t keep it to herself anymore.

How _dare_ he say it was because she didn’t have time for him anymore? How _dare_ he make it look like it’s her fault when she had been clear from the very start? How _dare_ he speak about love and getting back together like he wasn’t kissing some other girl four days after their breakup?

Seungwan wondered if it was because she stacked her priorities in order of importance instead of learning how to balance them. She wondered if it was because she was too serious and had commitments far too outstretched for her own age. 

She wondered if it was because she wasn’t wild enough, wasn’t risky enough, wasn’t _cool_ enough that she couldn’t bear sacrificing an exam for a relationship that was going awry.

Chanyeol made her wonder if she wasn’t _good enough_.

So she cried it out. She cried it out in between choked up lyrics and off-key notes that scratched painfully against her dry throat until she couldn’t anymore. She got a bad score on her performance, not that she expected any better, and flopped onto the couch next to Joohyun with a deflated slouch of tired limbs and gentle wheezes.

Joohyun was just studying her the entire time, not speaking or doing anything except for occasional sips from her beer. When Seungwan rolls her hung head to look at her, she just gives her a small smile and a gentle pat on her kneecap. Soft and fleeting.

Seungwan wonders if Joohyun feels. If she has ever been heartbroken, if she has ever doubted her worth, and what she would have done to heal in such situations.

Would she cry like Seungwan too? Would she drink and drink until the lights have doubled and hurt her eyes, would she keep going until it numbed her bones and made her body float? 

Would she also find solace in an obscure friend that sleeps a few feet away from her and watches her drool on her pillow early in the morning?

Seungwan realizes that she doesn’t want Joohyun to answer that at all. She realizes that she doesn’t want to see Joohyun in pain like she is. 

Such a kind, warm, and patient soul like hers should never have to hurt over anyone. Joohyun is too kind, too sweet, too beautiful for anyone to plant hot tears on those glass cheeks and ivory skin. Joohyun doesn’t deserve pain, because she doesn’t cause it.

Her eyes are like little snow globes in the starry night of the karaoke room. They widen and blink rapidly when a hand Seungwan didn’t know she had lifted places itself gently over her cheek. _When did that happen?_ But Joohyun doesn’t move, and Seungwan doesn’t feel the need to drop her hand either.

“You…” Seungwan drawls out in a slur and a difficult sigh as she tries to gather her thoughts. Joohyun’s skin is hot under her touch, or maybe it is just the alcohol and the stark contrast between cold metal and live flesh. Or maybe it is because this is Joohyun, and Joohyun has always been a very warm person.

“You are so good to me… you know that right?” 

The words tumble out of her mouth with more affection and husk than she had intended them to, and they both blink.

If possible, she might have even heard a little gasp from Joohyun before it was drowned out by the idle background music of the song selection screen.

But it’s true. Seungwan has always been grateful for Joohyun since the very beginning. She was always there for her, always so ready to cater to her. She showed up with a deck of old cards and thoughtful eyes, and smiled at her whenever she needed the show of happiness.

Joohyun never probed. She never pushed and demanded. She just sat there, almost too obediently, and hithered whenever Seungwan called.

Joohyun is so, _so_ good to her. Joohyun doesn’t hurt her.

She places her hand over the one that has slowly started caressing her cheek— _when did she even start doing that? —_ and squeezes it gently with a smile before prying it off. Not dismissive and rude, no. Actually, Seungwan thinks her touch may have lingered on her hand when she set it back down on the space between them.

“Because you don’t deserve any less,” she says, earnest and a little bit too flustering, before she breaks their eye contact (much to Seungwan’s dislike).

Joohyun takes the remote that she had carelessly tossed to her side and starts pressing gently over the keys to choose a song.

Joohyun is choosing a song?

Joohyun is _singing_?

The older woman sports a silly grin when she stands up from her seat and grabs the mic that was resting on the table. Her tongue slightly juts out between the hollow spaces of her crooked tipsy smile and Seungwan remembers thinking she looked endearing.

She rests back on the sofa and giggles up at the woman who is now dancing goofily to the song she had just picked. She didn’t know if it was because Joohyun is a bit intoxicated, or if it is because she is just silly like that, but nonetheless she likes this side of Joohyun. It feels warm and familiar, personal even.

Joohyun suddenly whips from the screen with a finger gun her way, and Seungwan can’t help the laugh that escapes her lips when the girl clicks her teeth into the mic with a wink.

“Sit back, Son Seungwan.” Joohyun grins coolly. “I’m about to give you the revelation of your life.”

The telltale intro of _We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together_ filters into the room not long after, and Seungwan's jaw drops in clear shock and amusement at the song choice.

“Are you kidding me?!” she nearly wheezes out in laughter when Joohyun cocks a finger at her while singing. “This is so foul!”

“I know you want to sing it with me.” Joohyun’s grin is teasing and her eyebrows are dancing when she holds an arm out. Seungwan decides to forgo everything to take it with a cackle.

“Seungwan’s ex, you are never ever ever getting back together!” Joohyun yells into the mic with a nose scrunch, and throws an arm around her shoulder to share it for her part.

The sides of their heads press together with a jovial familiarity. Seungwan’s giggles resonate in the dark room when Joohyun pulls her closer to hold the mic up for the both of them.

“You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends,” Seungwan grins as she points at Joohyun, “Talk to me.” She points to herself and Joohyun shares her grin.

“But we! Are never ever ever _ever_ getting back together!”

She loses track of when the sad night had turned into the most fun duet of cheesy dance moves and loud laughter in between locked eyes.

But Seungwan isn’t complaining. Joohyun’s laugh is contagious and her happiness is beautiful, much unlike the ugly heartbreak that sits in her chest.

No, she isn’t complaining at all.

-

The next instances come by in flashes for Seungwan, shifting between moments of wakefulness and then into near-blackouts. 

One moment she is still laughing with Joohyun over the way their voices crack in a song, the next she is stumbling over her feet while Joohyun wraps an arm around her waist tightly.

She manages a slurry apology, a hiccup or a giggle or a mixture of both, and Joohyun lifts her arm to wrap it around her shoulder. She is obviously too drunk to walk by herself now. She might have gone overboard after getting hyped by Joohyun’s performance that she kept ordering more beer for herself.

Joohyun wasn’t far behind, if she recalls correctly. They are both drunk; Seungwan is just way drunker than the other.

Streetlights and deserted asphalt transition into white fluorescent and careless shoes taken off before the threshold, and Seungwan wonders when the walk from the karaoke box had become so quick. It almost feels like they had teleported.

She giggles at that, because why not?

Eleven had turned into three, and bright lights followed into the moonlight. Seungwan can’t recall if it is her dreaming or the leftover alcohol in her system that lingered, but when white blankets had turned into a light pink shirt, warm sheets that used to be cold had suddenly grown a heartbeat.

-

“You know, it’s not worth getting awkward over when you think about it.”

Seungwan jumps on her spot with a light gasp escaping her lips, obviously taken by surprise. She was right outside the covered court of the Engineering building that afternoon, her head buried intensely into the brochure in hand about the university week that is coming up.

Joohyun is standing right beside her, a mere step behind her body with a gentle and knowing smile on her face.

“What are you talking about?” Seungwan mutters with a conflicted laugh. Joohyun had been leaning over her shoulder to try and get a good look at the brochure or just to spook her. 

Either way it flustered Seungwan greatly, considering she knows just what Joohyun is talking about.

She turns around to face the girl and takes a step back to broaden their distance.

“You were drunk, I was drunk too. It happens.” Joohyun shrugs nonchalantly, as if it was the most normal thing in the world to do. As if she was _used_ to it.

Seungwan’s cheeks heat up at the implication, before she brushes it off with a shake of her head.

“It might be normal to you, Joohyun unnie, but it’s not to me,” she says carefully. “I was drunk off my ass, I can’t even remember a single thing. I just… no, I can’t fathom it.”

Joohyun laughs, tilting her head adorably to the side.

“Why do you make it sound like we drunkenly hooked up?” She raises an eyebrow at Seungwan’s growing blush, quite amused. “You just mistakenly dragged me with you when I laid you on your bed. Then you fell asleep on me. That’s all.”

“Not to mention I also _drooled_ on your shirt, let’s not forget.”

“Did you? I was also hungover, I thought you just cried in your sleep.”

“Please.” Seungwan groans as she palms her face shamefully. “Can we forget that ever happened? Like.”

“I’m not the one who is all awkward and stiff the morning after. It’s been a week, Seungwan. Are you still hung up about that?” Joohyun laughs.

“It’s embarrassing,” she mutters with a pouty huff. “I can’t just _forget_ about it. The only person I’d ever see myself doing that to is Seulgi, and that’s because we’ve been best friends since we were five.”

“Ouch, that mildly hurt.”

“No! I mean…” Seungwan groans once more when Joohyun just grins at her. “ _Why_ aren’t you awkward about it though, unnie?”

Joohyun shrugs, and takes a step so she is right beside Seungwan. She gets the idea that the woman might want to start walking from the area before their students get out—Joohyun has never seemed like the type to like large crowds.

Seungwan turns around and falls into step with her.

“Like I said, we were both drunk and disoriented. It’s not like you did anything disrespectful to me,” Joohyun explains. “We were just sleeping.”

Seungwan clearly remembers what the situation had looked like the morning after the wild karaoke night.

She remembers thinking the sheets were too hard to be her mattress, but too soft to be someone else. Her legs were preoccupied, tangled in a double helix of denim jeans and sock-clad feet on her ankle. Her arm had been carelessly flung over a soft curve to settle as a gentle grip on a flank, and it rose and fell in an even rhythm with the head that was pressed against warm skin.

Maybe she had slept on Seulgi again, she thought. It wouldn’t be a surprise for her to do so. There was an arm that was wrapped lazily around her shoulder and fingers that curled on her deltoid. The top of her head grazed a sharp chin, sweet whiffs of ambrosia and lavender invading her senses with a tinge of overnight alcohol.

Seulgi doesn’t cuddle like that. Seulgi is lean and round and smells of tangerine. Seulgi wasn’t with her last night.

When the reality dawned into her along with the bright calls of a painful hangover morning, Seungwan had shrieked and scrambled off of Joohyun in a flash. Her heart banged loudly against her chest, her cheeks pink and eyes wide.

Joohyun awoke not long after, being a light sleeper herself.

She had looked adorable with her messy bedhead and puffy eyes full of sleep blinking up at her, but Seungwan was more mortified at the wetness on Joohyun’s shirt that could only mean one thing—her drool. She had _drooled_ on _Joohyun_.

She awkwardly moved around the dorm room after that morning, tiptoeing and staying as far away from Joohyun as possible in embarrassment. 

It’s not like she hadn’t enjoyed the shared sleep with the older girl. In fact, she might have enjoyed it a little too much hence the drooling. She just thought it would be weird for someone like Joohyun—she seemed like the type to allow a degree of physicality depending on how close the bond is.

But so far Joohyun hasn’t said anything mean about it, nor has she acted differently with her unlike Seungwan.

Does that mean her touch had been welcomed?

Joohyun’s arm presses against hers gently, the short sleeves of their collegiate shirts chafing against each other in a contrast of light grey and dark green, and their skins touch.

Does that mean they can do this now?

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” Seungwan lets out a small sigh of relief, deciding to drop the awkwardness in the air. It is curious how everything that has been off and crooked for the past week just suddenly came together so easily; as if the week-long avoidance between them hadn’t happened at all.

“So… we’re good, then?” Seungwan looks at the other beside her curiously.

“What do you mean? We’ve always been good.” Joohyun nudges her arm with a grin, wide and amused.

“I’m good to you… remember?”

_Oh, God._

Seungwan’s jaw slacks and another wave of hotness blanches over her face down to her neck at the obvious reference.

“Remind me not to drink with you again. You’re just horrible!”

Joohyun laughs when Seungwan tries to hit her arm, but she just dodges the attack to veer a few steps ahead of her and starts backwards.

“Definitely not what you were saying back then,” she teases. “And don’t say that, I still want to see you puke behind a bush again next time.”

 _Next time?_ Seungwan blinks at the older girl who is walking backwards quite calmly, hands still on her back. _Then that means…_

“Unnie, watch out! There’s a car behind you!”

“ _What—_ ”

Joohyun almost trips in her haste to move away at the warning, only to face an empty street and a nonexistent automobile behind her. Seungwan breaks into a boisterous laugh.

“Oh, so this is funny to you?” Joohyun has a frown on her face when Seungwan tries to control the sounds of glee from her mouth. There is an amused twinkle in her eyes despite her retort, so Seungwan doesn’t find it in herself to stop laughing. “Do you enjoy this?”

“As a matter of fact, I do. You should’ve seen your face!” Seungwan points at her in between giggles. “You were like—” She makes a face akin to the one Joohyun had, and only continues laughing shortly afterward.

“I am going to make you pay for this.”

“Yeah? How much? I kind of left my wallet in the dorm so I think I can’t pay—”

Seungwan shrieks when Joohyun charges headfirst in her way, swiftly averting her body to create a counter leeway before breaking out into a run on the street.

“Get back here!” Joohyun yells behind her. “You are not getting away, Son Seungwan!”

Seungwan singsongs a taunt in between her squeals and shrieks, the sounds mixing with quick pants and breathy laughter as Joohyun chases her down the street in between buildings.

She knows it is childish and quite a rambunctious display to any passerby, but sometimes a part of her just really wants to break free and enjoy these little pleasures in life that have been tucked away for the sake of bigger worries.

The more she thinks about it, the more she realizes that Joohyun has always made the simplest things into momentous wonders.

Playing cards, singing karaoke, running around the university streets while people looked and turned.

Seungwan’s laughter is free and clean and Joohyun is _happiness_ in its simplest, most beautiful form.

-

When they have run around the entire block of buildings and exhausted themselves enough to call a truce, Joohyun hands her a water bottle from the outdoor vending machine in heavy pants. She inserts more coins into the slot to grab her very own, and Seungwan wheezes out her gratitude as she takes it wordlessly.

They sit on the bench just next to the machine, watching the sky above them turn orange with hints of indigo in silence. Seulgi and Yerim had coincidentally rounded the corner to find them not long after the shared moment of peace, their eyes wide and shocked at the sweat that lined both of their faces and Joohyun’s shirt that had turned dark grey.

Joohyun unhesitatingly points to her side in accusation, and Seungwan glares at her.

“Ack, Seulgi, stop touching me. I’m sweaty and sticky,” Seungwan would tell the girl off when she makes a move to drape herself over her.

“And whose fault is that, hm?” Joohyun’s smirk is taunting while Yerim fans at her shirt with her own brochure in hand.

Seungwan only rolls her eyes, and Seulgi giggles with a gentle pinch of her cheek.

“You guys are closer now, it seems,” the taller girl would say observantly into her ear when Yerim fusses at Joohyun enough to get her attention. “Should I be worried that I might get replaced soon?” She snickers.

“Hardly,” Seungwan grumbles with a pout. “No one can ever replace you, Seulgi. Definitely not Joohyun unnie.”

“I know.” She cackles. “But seriously, it’s quite a big stretch from the entire ‘roommates who only coexist’ thing that you were yapping about a month ago. It’s surprising.”

Seungwan lets her eyes stray to Joohyun’s annoyed frown and gritted teeth at Yerim who is just trying her best to help—although the girl is admittedly quite rough while handling her that Seungwan kind of understands the distress Joohyun is feeling.

“Yeah.” Seungwan unknowingly smiles when Joohyun catches her eye in the middle of her staring. The annoyed scowl on her face falters slightly to return the gesture, before it drops again to a frown when Yerim is back to fussing her.

“It is.”

-

There is a man in danger, Joohyun says, her voice serious and her face even more dreadful in the dark night. He is going to die if he does the wrong thing, and Seungwan’s eyes are wide with concern at the information, but the catch is that they couldn’t help him.

A gentle nudge finds its way to her arm, a characteristically familiar pressure that could only mean one thing and one person, before a warm breath tickles her ear from her side.

Joohyun is standing next to her with her eyes trained on the man in danger.

“How much you wanna bet he’s gonna lose that?” she asks in a hushed voice, careful not to disrupt the silent air that is thick with anticipation.

She nods to the man who is playing an intense game of Minesweeper on a computer, watching his cursor move thrillingly slow over the tiles. 

She waits, and waits, and stifles a snort when he clicks on a tile that happens to be a mine.

“Oh, my God—” Seungwan almost giggles with her but quickly swallows it down when the man looks over his shoulder vaguely, like he knows he is being watched. Seungwan looks away and focuses on a different computer behind her.

“It’s the first time I’ve ever seen someone get so invested in _Minesweeper_ ,” Joohyun says with amusement twinkling in her eyes when Seungwan wraps a hand around her jacket-clad arm. “I never understood that game.”

“Me neither.”

Seungwan tugs her away from the aisles of lined computers, dragging her to the front desk where she had paid to get her case study printed. Joohyun just allows herself to be dragged, her head whipping from one screen to another as she tries to look at the games being played.

 _Just like a little kid_ , Seungwan lets out a smile at how adorable Joohyun gets sometimes.

They had both gotten out on such a short notice that night. It is 9PM on a Thursday, Seungwan had screamed in worry when she found out their printer at the dorm was short on ink. It was a great cause of anxiety, with lots of screaming and Joohyun looking at her curiously from her pocket book on her bed, until she eventually calmed down and decided to get her file printed outside while she still can.

She tagged Joohyun along, because she can and she wanted to.

And Joohyun followed as well, quite voluntarily actually, for reasons unbeknownst to Seungwan.

Seungwan wonders if the willingness had stemmed from the fact that they have only gotten closer since the past few weeks. The changes are big enough to be noticeable, yet subtle enough not to be brought up.

Joohyun hangs around now. She talks more, teases more, and isn’t afraid to make jokes or pull mischievous little pranks on Seungwan anymore. She once hid beside Seungwan’s bed before she could arrive, and the poor girl had screamed and convulsed wildly when her roommate suddenly popped out with an amused grin on her face.

Seungwan gave her a lot of shit then—nearly got into a pillow fight after chasing each other around the small space of their dorm room.

Joohyun is talkative, and childish, and touchy and endearing. She sticks to Seungwan sometimes, like a life-size refrigerator magnet, but Seungwan doesn’t mind the touches whenever they come. In fact, she might even find that she likes them. 

Her natural clinginess, the one that had been stashed away to the deepest parts of her subconscious when she had to adapt to a less affectionate environment, is apparently a perfect complement to Joohyun's never-ending need to be touchy.

Not to mention Seungwan is pretty much an absorbent pad for everything that involves depth and intimacy, so it is not a surprise that she had welcomed Joohyun’s touches with way too much eagerness and enthusiasm to be called _normal_.

“I think we should go grab food before we go home, at least,” Joohyun would say thoughtfully when Seungwan finally finishes her work. “You owe me that much after dragging me all the way here.”

Seungwan snorts and pockets the change in her jeans before hooking her arm around the girl’s own.

“I didn’t drag you here. You willingly came. You didn’t even protest when I asked you the first time.” 

“Because I know you would still insist. And aren’t you hungry? I’m absolutely famished.”

“Actually, I am. What do you want to eat?”

“You?”

In retrospect, Seungwan thinks, it really wasn’t that deep.

“What?!” she chokes out at the seemingly unintentional innuendo. Joohyun only looks at her worriedly as she tries to help her ease the choking out. “Hello?!”

“Hi?” Joohyun holds her by the arms and shakes her up when her chokes have turned into small coughs. “What is up with you?” she chuckles confusedly.

“What is up with _you_?”

“I… I—what?”

“Why would you say that?”

“Say what?”

“That!”

“That? That what?”

Seungwan takes a deep breath as soon as the coughs have subsided, fanning a hand on her hot face breathily as she loops their arms together again.

“Never mind, never mind.” She laughs incredulously, more to herself. “You really never fail to surprise me, Bae Joohyun. You are terrifying.”

“I asked, _You?_ I don’t know what was so terrifying about that.”

“It was the timing of it and your… choice of words.”

“I don’t see how it was odd in any way. Was it odd in a way? In what way was it odd?”

“Ah, you know what?” Seungwan smiles overly brightly at the clueless woman next to her, reaching up her free hand to deliver a rough pinch to her cheek which had her yelping. “Do not fret, unnie. You are so cute.”

Joohyun’s cheek warms up under her fingers and she brushes them off with a pouty grumble despite the flushed look on her face. Seungwan internally swoons. Joohyun is _adorable_.

“I prefer hot and smart, but okay.”

“When will you ever be satisfied?”

“When you pay for dinner. Come on, let’s go!” Joohyun unhooks their arms for a split second and Seungwan nearly squeaks when the girl reaches down to tangle their hands together. Her face is suddenly hot again.

“What—”

“I’m thinking Hanwoo beef for tonight. Or that fancy restaurant a ride away from here.” Joohyun hums thoughtfully as she drags her along. “Or we could buy five different _tteokbokkis_ with different flavors.”

“You’re surprisingly demanding for someone who isn’t paying.”

“Food is always better when it’s free. That is you, making it free. And this is me, making it better.”

“I’m broke!”

“And I’m hungry. Let’s go!”

In the end, Seungwan indulges Joohyun. Not with the expensive request of beef, of course; she has a more-than-average allowance every month but she is frugal. She does pay for the dinner that they are about to have in a local pub just a few streets down though. Joohyun said that they sell the best pork strips she has ever tasted, and Seungwan likes the look of innocent enthusiasm on her beautiful face so she just agrees with her.

They settle in a booth by the window, closely sitting next to each other despite the overly spacious curved seat around them. Nobody ever said they had to sit apart anyways.

A waitress bounds over to get their orders, and Seungwan gets whatever Joohyun is getting.

“Drinks?” Seungwan doesn’t miss her fleeting glance at Joohyun’s focused look on the cardboard menu.

“Ah, yes. I would like a glass of your craft beer.”

“Do you even think it’s wise to drink tonight?” Seungwan asks her worriedly as she shares the menu. “It’s a school day tomorrow.”

“It’s just a glass.”

“A glass will turn into another glass, and another glass and— do you even remember what happened when we last drank? Do you want a repeat of that?”

“I have self-control, mind you. Why are you so fussy tonight?”

“Because I don’t want to drag your drunk ass back to the dorms. I’ll get a strawberry juice, thank you.” She smiles at the waitress who is just watching the conversation blankly. 

“Well, that was because _someone_ here—”

She turns back to Joohyun with the same smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.

“I’ll have a cola instead, thank you.” Joohyun smiles as she hands the menu back to the waitress.

Seungwan thanks the waitress who just awkwardly smiles and bows at them before walking away with their orders.

“The waitress kept looking at you,” Seungwan opens up randomly as she watches the waitress disappear behind the kitchen doors. “Shouldn’t be a surprise anymore but I can’t help but notice.”

“Why? Are you jealous?” Joohyun teases with a cheeky grin at her side, and Seungwan’s ears heat up.

“No, I just wonder how you can put up with all that superficial interest.”

“Huh.” Joohyun chuckles. “I know.”

“Wait, I didn’t mean it like that—”

“Hey, it’s no big deal. I’m used to it, it’s not like I fall for them anyways. Plus, they account for a lot of ego boosts so I’m not really complaining.”

“Wow, you really are horrible.”

“You said it first.” Joohyun smiles, and Seungwan rolls her eyes with a heart too warm. “Well, just so you know. It’s part of why my ‘lifestyle’ had come about, as you so discreetly-not-discreetly judged me for a while back. Consider it my villain origin story.”

“Lifestyle? Judging? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she feigns.

“The amnesia…”

“What?”

“Whatever. Anyways, um…” Joohyun shifts rather awkwardly. “You know most people really only date me because of… well.”

Seungwan places a hand over her arm, nodding at her encouragingly.

“You can say it, Joohyun unnie,” she says with an earnest smile. “You can be egotistical around me.”

“You are so annoying.” Joohyun cackles with a nudge to her arm that Seungwan only returns with a smile.

“Well, because I’m pretty.” Joohyun rubs her hands over her face shamefully to hide her reddening cheeks. “Cringe. Awful and cringe.”

“But not untrue.” Seungwan reaches up to pat the girl’s head a couple of times with a gentle smile. “And yeah, I get it. I didn’t judge. I just think you shouldn’t use that to justify how you treat people. You should be kind, always.”

“Don’t patronize me.” Joohyun chuckles as she slouches on her seat, pulling her eyes somewhere else outside the window.

“I’m just saying, unnie.” She gingerly wraps a hand around the girl’s wrist to loosen her up without moving. “Don’t be so defensive.”

“Hm.” 

Joohyun just wordlessly twists her arm until Seungwan’s hand falls into hers, surprising her. Her stomach had jumped at the contact, fluttered a bit since she is still trying to get used to this. They settle, calm and warm on top of Joohyun’s thigh. Familiar, like they belong there.

“I’ve always known you were rather non-confrontational, but I didn’t think it was this bad.” Seungwan giggles as Joohyun’s thumb starts rubbing soothingly on her knuckles.

“I have my moments.”

The waitress soon arrives with their orders still hot on a sizzling plate, and it breaks the small cloud of intimacy that has settled between them so they can receive the food. 

She doesn’t miss the lingering look on the waitress’ face again before she leaves, and she doesn’t know why it bothers her a bit.

“This is the part where you tell me I’m right, by the way.” Joohyun nudges her arm gently after swallowing down a mouthful. “The food is good. Thank you for the food.”

“You’re treating me next time.” Seungwan nudges her back with a smile.

“Yeah, yeah.” Joohyun nods along distractedly. “Don’t worry, I’ll treat you better.”

Seungwan coughs behind a napkin, tapping her own cheek to get a heat check. “You are insane, unnie. You hear me? Insane.”

“I’ll treat you to better things?”

“You know what? Just eat.”

She enjoys the peaceful (and playful) dinner with Joohyun in that small booth at the pub. A live band is playing at the back wing, away from customers who just want to dine in peace in front. The music reverberates in the air though, raw and real, and Seungwan hums along whenever she recognizes the songs.

The dimly lit aesthetic of the pub is very charming in a mature and relaxed way. She admittedly has never been to such kinds of places here. It would be nice to come back when it isn’t a school night. To just sit back, relax, and drink.

With Joohyun, of course. She can’t imagine herself coming here without the girl.

“So—”

There is ruckus in the back wing of the pub all of a sudden, a discordant chorus of hoots and yells and cheers resonating all the way to the front. Joohyun turns to her in intrigue at the sounds, and Seungwan returns it.

Wordlessly, they agree to give it a look out of pure curiosity. Who in their right minds would drink and fool around at this time of the night on a school day?

Seungwan wishes she never knew.

There in the dim back wing of the pub, past the pool tables that serve as the only bright lights of the dark room, a familiar face she knows as the center for the basketball team spots her and almost knocks over several bottles and ashtrays on his haste and panic. 

Sehun pats repeatedly at the arm of Chanyeol, who is currently making out with a girl from another university on his lap. Seungwan’s stomach still drops, and she hates it.

“ _Fuck_ , Sehun, what—”

Joohyun’s fingers have wrapped around her wrist gently the moment her ears started to ring with something other than the live band’s songs. 

Chanyeol is on his feet in a second, guilt blanching his face immediately the moment he spots her. His lips are swollen, his face and body sticky with sweat and Seungwan wants nothing more than to throw a bucket of ice cold water at him—

Joohyun tugs on her wrist gently, reminding her that she is still there. Joohyun is still there, beside her. She isn’t alone in her anger and upset.

“Let’s just go, Seungwan,” Joohyun says to her, low and cautious, and the flatness of her tone without its usual lilt gives Seungwan the idea that she is actually holding off angrier and more intense feelings than her.

The girl looks _nothing_ like her, with her brown hair and face full of smudged makeup from all the kissing. Is it because she goes to places like these? Is it because she wears girly clothes that make anyone look? Is it because Chanyeol got to have her in a night when he had worked _six months_ to get a kiss out of her?

Seungwan pulls away from the humiliating and agonizing scene in front of her and doesn’t know why she feels sick. She feels sick and stupid and there is a ball in the back of her throat again and her nostrils hurt, her eyes prickle, and—

“Wait, Wen—”

She harshly pulls back the arm he had wrapped a hand around to try and get to her. The force effectively brushes off Joohyun’s without the same intention, but she’s far too gone, far too angry to even care.

She faces him with a hard jab at his chest. Angry. _Seething_.

“I do not _care_ what the hell you do behind my back, you asshole,” she spats venomously at him between gritted teeth. “I do not _care_ that you’ve done this so many times even when we were together,” she tries to swallow down the angry, overwhelmed tremor in her voice.

“But when you come up to me saying you deserve a second chance when you’re doing all of _this—_ ” Another strong jab that sends him staggering a step back. “I will not just _sit_ here and watch you disrespect and _humiliate_ me in front of your friends. Piss off, Chanyeol. Do not ever speak to me again.”

He still tries despite her hostility, thick-skinned and reaching out to touch her. 

“Wen, please—”

“Do not touch me.”

His fingers around her wrist are large and calloused and rough and they aren’t Joohyun’s.

“I said do not _touch_ me.” She flicks his hold away but he only persists.

“Look, it was all just a dare, okay? It was all just a big dare and I lost and they made me do it and—”

Seungwan pushes him away again.

“Wendy, I—”

“Dude, back off.”

Seungwan is surprised that the voice does not come from her own mouth.

It was Joohyun who spoke. Her voice had gone low, and her face had turned dangerously dark. What once had worn the happiest, most angelic and beautiful smile is now downturned into one of the most hateful scowls Seungwan has ever seen. 

She has never seen Joohyun angry. Irritated, maybe, annoyed and inconvenienced. But she has never seen Joohyun _this_ angry—her eyes enraged and her body so rigid that her clenched fists tremble at her sides.

Seungwan wants her to take it easy. Joohyun doesn’t have to taint herself with the ugly hatred for him. It isn’t worth it.

“Bae Joohyun.” Chanyeol is now turning to Joohyun with a surprised, recognizant gleam in his eyes. But Joohyun isn’t all that thrilled about the recognition; doesn’t seem to share the same sentiments by the way she is glaring at him.

He still has the nerve to show light interest in Joohyun even in this situation. It makes Seungwan _sick_.

“This is just…” He tries to laugh it away appeasingly while tugging at a struggling Seungwan’s arm persistently. “A small fight. We’ll just talk about it. See, I’m her—”

“I wasn’t asking you,” Joohyun cuts through with a flat intensity that quivers even Seungwan’s bones. “Get your hands _off_ _her_.”

“Yeah, or what?”

Joohyun’s jaw clenches.

“Or I will ruin you.”

Everything stills for Seungwan at that moment. Joohyun is still looking up at Chanyeol intensely whose attention is now completely fixed on her. Her voice has gotten even deeper than the first time, way past its normal meek and light tone that Seungwan has become accustomed to.

If anything, this just makes her fervently remind herself never to get on Joohyun’s bad side.

“Ruin me?” Chanyeol is now scoffing incredulously at the threat, as if it were empty and far-fetched, but Seungwan knows better than to take Joohyun’s words with a grain of salt. She was always resolute; always pairing her words to actions without fault.

“You barely even know me.” His hand is still around her arm.

Joohyun’s eyebrow quirks. This can’t be good.

“Say, Park Chanyeol, does your father know what you’re doing here instead of studying diligently?” She plucks out her phone from her pocket and taps around on the screen.

Seungwan blinks and furrows her brows in confusion. They know each other?

“What are you—”

The last second of dialing tone clips on the loudspeaker when Joohyun holds the phone out for them to hear the conversation.

“ _Hyun-ah,_ ” a man picks up the call in a gruff yet doting voice, “ _What made you call?_ ” 

“Good evening, Dad.” Joohyun gives Chanyeol a meaningful gaze. “I was just wondering, are you still going to that meeting with Mr. Park tomorrow?”

At the mention of the man’s name, Chanyeol tenses beside Seungwan. He is confused, Seungwan knows. It’ll only be a matter of time before the panic kicks in. He has always been scared of his father, and it shows.

His hold tightens yet grows more and more hesitant around her arm in response.

“ _Ah, yes!_ ” the man on the phone says, whom Seungwan now knows as Joohyun’s father. “ _He’s actually on his way to visit right now for a few drinks_.”

“At this hour?”

“ _Of course. He’s been missing his kid lately so he wants to come and say hi._ ”

Joohyun’s lips curl into a telling smirk with her eyes still focused on Chanyeol, who is now starting to panic just as Seungwan had expected from him.

“ _Right, Joohyun-ah, don’t you go to the same university?”_

“Yes.” Joohyun now turns her chin up at Chanyeol’s weakening resolve. “As a matter of fact we are together right now.”

“ _Oh? Mr. Park is arriving soon, maybe he would like to speak to…_ ”

Chanyeol immediately lets go of Seungwan’s arm when he hears it, rendering her completely shocked. He drops his hold on her like it had been a scalding iron rod, shaking his head in rising panic at the situation.

Joohyun just regards him with growing menace, watches him hold his hands up in surrender with an intimidating smile that never reaches her eyes.

“No,” he tells her, keeping his voice low enough for the man on the line not to hear. “No, don’t do that. I— I can’t talk to him right now, I can’t—”

“Dad?” Joohyun asks into her phone with a redolent lilt to her voice, seemingly pushing Chanyeol’s buttons even more.

“ _Hm?_ ”

Chanyeol’s jaw clenches in the thick air of anxiety Joohyun is brewing in the small space between them. Every second is agonizingly slow even to Seungwan who is just standing between them both, every breath bated and tensioned.

“I—”

“Please!” Chanyeol finally cracks with clasped hands in front of him, making Seungwan look at him in shock at the outburst. “Please… I’ve let go of her now. I’ve— see? See, she’s free. Just— just please don’t tell him… _please_.”

Joohyun looks at her then, yet all the intensity and sinister look in her eyes are almost nonexistent now. She just shares a silent look with Seungwan, a thoughtful moment.

“What do you think, Seungwan?” she asks her, voice surprisingly calmer.

Seungwan admits that it’s new to see Chanyeol like this—cowering and begging for mercy from someone when he would undoubtedly go up against anyone with his tall height. Much more Joohyun, who is almost the same height as her. But Seungwan can’t even blame him. Joohyun is _scary_.

Yet she must have been blessed (or cursed) with the biggest heart in the universe when God made her, because she still empathizes with the unadulterated fear Chanyeol is feeling right now. She knows his father well enough to know he is someone to be fearful of, and it felt wrong to capitalize on that fright.

“Let’s just go, unnie,” she decides with a pointed look at a pitiful Chanyeol next to them, taking a step closer to place herself beside Joohyun. “Let’s just forget about this.”

“Are you sure?”

“ _Hyun-ah?_ ”

Seungwan nods, wrapping a hand around Joohyun’s wrist a bit too needily. She needs to touch someone again who isn’t Chanyeol.

“I’m sure.”

Joohyun now holds the phone closer to herself with a nod of her own. She twists her arm in a familiar fashion, gentle and agile like she had done earlier, and Seungwan’s hand slips right into the hollow spaces of her fingers and spreads comforting warmth throughout. Just what she needed.

“Tell Mr. Park I said hi,” Joohyun says sweetly into her phone, giving Chanyeol a warning gaze with every word spoken. “And that we’re sorry we can’t talk right now. We are studying for tests so…”

“ _Then it can’t be helped. Well, goodnight, my sweetest flower! Do your best, okay?_ ”

“Okay, Dad. Goodnight.”

The call drops, and Joohyun squeezes her hand to reassure her, probably. Seungwan just squeezes her hand back in silent gratitude and a plea to get out of the place already.

Joohyun makes sure to slip in another warning to Chanyeol when they leave the pub, tugging Seungwan gently along beside her.

“Try to bother Seungwan again and I will not hesitate next time.”

Seungwan just follows her, sparing a last glance at Chanyeol who still looks shaken up from the events earlier. She should feel bad, honestly, but right now she can’t feel anything but painful disappointment and newfound anger at him.

The last tethers of the love that she had privileged him out of respect have now been severed right out of her heartstrings.

She is just angry now. Angry and vindictive.

Joohyun keeps her close throughout the entire walk to their university, keeping her anchored from spiraling into a dangerous sea of grudges and deep hatred. Little squeezes to the hand, soothing grazes of their fingers against each other.

Joohyun is there. She always is. She always has been. Seungwan doesn’t even know why.

Maybe it’s because they are roommates, and Joohyun literally sleeps five feet away from her that it’s impossible not to weave their lives together somehow. But no, Seungwan knows one can live with someone and still not care for them as much as they did.

But Joohyun always cared. From the very beginning, from the first night she had allowed it, Joohyun was always there, talking to her, making her smile. Without fault.

Now, Seungwan is a thankful person. She is thankful for every ounce of care she gets from anyone, but to have someone go to lengths just to stick up for her—it just hits her differently. It stirs her greatly, and makes her quite emotional.

Joohyun is so good to her.

“Thank you,” Seungwan blurts out into the silence when they reach the gates and go in.

Joohyun seems surprised, her eyebrows pulling up. 

“Well… I mean… somebody had to do it,” she brushes it away with a small shrug. “I’ve always had this mean preconception of your ex anyways. But seeing him there, doing all of those things and disrespecting you, I just… I couldn’t sit still anymore.” She sighs.

“Yes, and thank you.” Seungwan squeezes her hand, trying at a smile. “I don’t know if I could’ve stood up to him properly had you not been there.”

“I’m sure you would have. And you did, though. You spoke back to him.”

“I did.” She laughs wryly at the memory. “I think— I thought it would feel great, you know? Putting him in his place. But after it I just… felt nothing. No accomplishment whatsoever. Just anger… and lots of disappointment.”

“Then that means you’re doing it right.” A smile finally pulls up on Joohyun’s face for the first time since the pub. Seungwan didn’t know she had missed it this much.

“Am I?” She chuckles softly to herself.

“I guess? I mean, there is only one right and wrong after a breakup, and the wrong is going back to the ex that hurt you. So I think you’re doing it right.”

“Well, that’s one simple way to put it.” Seungwan’s chest rumbles with amusement at Joohyun’s uncertainty with herself.

It’s almost impossible to believe that this is the same girl who had threatened Chanyeol to his bones earlier. The Joohyun back then had been borderline merciless, now all of that cold-blooded disposition has dissipated and she back into the usual girl she knows of.

How scary.

“Joohyun unnie,” she calls out into the night with a thoughtful look at their synchronized feet on the pavement to the dormitory complex.

“Hm?”

“How do you know Chanyeol?” she decides to ask, starting with the simplest of her curiosities.

Joohyun’s brows furrow, and her lips start to form a slight pout on them.

“I don’t,” she says flatly.

“Eh?” Seungwan has to halt their movements to look at the girl in confusion. “But you just— you knew his name.”

“It’s not hard to look him up on SNS.” Joohyun gives her a bemused look. “After a few words of mouth from people, I eventually got his name and his socials.”

“So you asked around for his details?”

Joohyun gives her a look that almost screams, _Do you really think…?_

“Okay, not that,” she backtracks. “Then how did you…”

Joohyun shrugs. “A lot of Law students are actually gossipers, believe it or not. It just took me a pointed glance when he walked down the pavement for people to think I was interested in him.” She sighs airily up at the sky, swinging their hands gently.

“But your father…”

It is this time that Joohyun grins at her, mischievous and way too accomplished in the darkness of the night. This _cannot_ be good.

“... is thankfully friends with Sooyoung’s father. _Park_ Sooyoung.”

Seungwan’s brain short-circuits.

“I was just bluffing the entire time,” Joohyun continues, seemingly unperturbed. “I can’t believe he actually bought it.”

 _Record scratch._

“It’s probably my dad. He’s a pretty renowned lawyer here so I think anyone would assume he has connections everywhere. Though I doubt he knows Chanyeol’s father…”

Seungwan yanks on her hand and stomps her foot in shock at the entire situation.

Joohyun looks at her with wide eyes.

“You!” Seungwan yells, almost antagonizing. “You made me believe that you knew each other?!”

“Well… I had to sell it, didn’t I?” Joohyun speaks slowly, shoulders rolling into an uncertain shrug. “That’s the first rule of bluff: you have to believe in the lie yourself.”

“You… you—” Seungwan is lost for words now, feeling quite perturbed and dumb that she had fallen for the lie as well. Joohyun just tilts her head to the side in clueless confusion.

She yells in gibberish then, growing frustrated at the situation before disentangling their hands in upset.

“No words!”

“W-What—” Joohyun tries to reach for her hand, but Seungwan is already stomping away to the dorms in loud huffs before she could even catch a finger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After 2 WEEKS I am finally back with this mess of a chapter. It's longer now but there was a lot of drama in this one + I consider it a Turning Point chapter that’s why it’s word vomit. Some of you are probably sick of the ex at this point and I'm sorry about that but I promise it'll only get better! :D
> 
> (i actually made a cover for this fic but it can only be viewed on aff. so [here](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1442003) it is for those who would like to see!)
> 
> This chapter was a literal pain to write (I made 6-7 drafts w/ completely different arcs before coming to the final draft) so I hope you guys enjoyed it!! Comments and upvotes/kudos would be most appreciated!! I love hearing how the characters' dynamics appealed to you guys hehehe. Till the next chapter!! ♡


	4. you'll have to trust me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I called dibs on Seungwan unnie!” is what Sooyoung finally cries, and it renders Joohyun speechless. 
> 
> She did what? She really couldn’t care less about what Sooyoung does with her dating life since the girl is old enough to make her own decisions but… Seungwan? She did _what_ on _Seungwan?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 8.9k of pure crack. Joohyun is hopeless.

“—Because I thought ahead of time that you wouldn’t really appreciate things like these.” _Oh, not this again_ , she sighs. “But I also wanted it to be genuine and not just hide behind some screen so here I am, I guess…”

Joohyun tries her best not to let out the fattest impassive sigh she could muster and reminds herself not to start pinching the space between the bridge of her nose—a mean habit that she has adopted since she ultimately found herself on the losing side of the professor lottery. 

Professor Kim is nothing short of _trouble_ , a difficult middle-aged woman teaching an otherwise easy subject, and Joohyun, as well as the thirty-nine others in her class, just attributed her perpetually cranky attitude that terrorized their Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays to her being single even at her age. Which is, in fact, not wrong, but Joohyun might just as well still be guilty of all that derisive stigma on single middle-aged women that has been perpetuated in society ever since her childhood.

The professor is not particularly as stringent with her as she is to the other half of the class, but she still makes Joohyun’s bones rattle whenever she bombards the class with a surprise graded recitation on the law and you absolutely _cannot_ stutter while doing so. Joohyun just couldn’t handle that much stress and anxiety in her brain that her headaches started getting worse. That was how the nose pinching came about. Or rather, rubbing the inner corners of her eyes.

She tries her best to smile despite.

She doesn’t know if Kim Junmyeon has ever heard the news that she definitely _does not_ play for his team despite what the other males have been yapping about her. For all she knows they could still be deluding themselves with the idea that she might still go out with them— _please,_ Joohyun doesn’t even go out with women that much to begin with and she plays for _their_ team. He must have thought her acknowledging him and knowing his name meant that she took some fancy to him somehow; after all, she did get caught eyeing Park Chanyeol down the Liberal Arts & Sciences building across when she was still trying to figure out who the guy is. But the truth is that Joohyun just once got paired with him during a presentation and it’s hard not to get acquainted when both your grades are at stake.

He’s a good guy though, he is. That much she knows from the reddening state of his cheeks and ears while he rubs on his neck sheepishly while coming up with the most painful asking-out proposal a girl like her could ever have the displeasure to hear.

“What I’m trying to say is that… will you eat lun—”

A flash of short brown hair catches her eye, exiting one of the faculty offices with quick bows to whoever is inside and Joohyun’s eyes widen right at that moment. She thinks she might have just given the guy yet another reason to cling to a false semblance of hope with that reaction. Just behind Junmyeon’s shoulder, on the other side of the atrium, is her roommate.

“I’m sorry. I already have plans.” And with that, Joohyun was away in a flash, leaving the poor guy to gape on his own words with a half-protest in the air somewhat.

Just what is her plan, really? It is odd enough to see the girl in her own building out of all places, and it is even odder that she had actually plucked up the courage to will her feet to the other. The things that have happened between them in the past week would have made Joohyun think it was wiser not to make the first move until she is certain there wouldn’t be any more judgement sent her way. After all, Seungwan had been upset with her after her monumental bluff last Thursday, pouting and frowning while pulling the covers over her head and facing the other side of her bed.

It was no secret that Seungwan was upset by her rash actions that night. It was obvious in the way she just painfully smiled at Joohyun in the following days, not even roping her into a confrontation that the woman doesn’t really like but would have sat through patiently if Seungwan wanted it. Joohyun herself had been bothered, too, confused and annoyed, but it was mostly because she didn’t understand what her fault was in the entire ordeal.

And after taking the silent period between them to reflect, often at night when Seungwan was already asleep and facing away from her, she had come to a conclusion. She had unknowingly hurt her roommate. This much she knows because of the circumstances that preceded it. Joohyun had pulled such a good stunt that she ended up lying to Seungwan as well and making her feel like a total fool. And Joohyun understood her, because she, too, would be _livid_ if she was played like that.

Then that explained the apprehension. That explained the coldness and the silence. That explained the _distance_.

But Bae Joohyun would be a fool to think that all of that matters when it comes to Son Seungwan. It doesn’t.

“Seungwan.” The call comes off more breathless than she expected it to be, said in between a slightly gaping mouth and confusion etched all over her face. Joohyun now stands in front of her, not really knowing when she had gone from the other side of the building to the one in front of her roommate.

The look on Seungwan’s face is not really one of displeasure. It is more of a shock, and then confusion, and then there are several more unreadable emotions that flashes onto her face when it starts to dawn on her just what this encounter entails for the both of them.

“Unnie,” the response is short, but more unsure and shy than it is curt.

Joohyun notices the couple of thick books clutched in her arm and the leather strap sling bag dangling a bit precariously on her shoulder, whereas she herself had only brought the A5 manual for Crim Proc and a black ballpoint pen in her pocket. It is only right for her to reach out and offer a hand despite the clear objection of the other.

“Joohyun, it’s fine—”

She has taken the books anyway, placing her manual on top and hugging it to the side of her flank resolutely.

Seungwan sighs, because she knows that once Joohyun sets her mind to something, there is nothing much to do about it anymore. The woman always wins.

“I didn’t expect to see you here.” It is rare for Joohyun to be the one initiating conversations that are bound to be awkward and tense. She often just kept quiet most of the time – opting to observe people and only engaging when it is safe terrain already. That way there is almost no room for error or judgment.

But this is Son Seungwan, her roommate for three semesters and her friend for even less than that, and the girl has always had a bit of a problem with judgment (particularly towards Joohyun) so, to hell with it.

They walk side by side now and Seungwan has taken a certain liking to arranging her obviously pristine bag and its contents after having adjusted its strap. Joohyun tries not to frown so much at the clear diversion.

“Oh… yeah. I was at Professor Hwang’s office,” she answers after a while, finally giving up on pretending she is actually working on something that is otherwise clean and just lets her arms fall to her sides tiredly. Joohyun wonders if the exhaustion is because she has to deal with her, or if it is actually the dark circles under her eyes that have been covered by concealer.

“What for?”

“Legal Med. He’s… not very amenable to student requests, apparently.” Seungwan lets out an airy breath of what seems like a tired chuckle. Joohyun will take what she can get.

“I can talk to him for you,” is what she comes up with on a whim, not knowing where the hell that came from. Even Seungwan is surprised at the random offer, looking at her for the first time since Joohyun so unwelcomingly (or was it?) cornered her. “Just tell me what you need,” she supplies.

“Oh, it’s nothing, really.” Her roommate waves it away with another light laugh, pulling her eyes away much to Joohyun’s dismay. “I guess I’m just being a little bit of a brat asking for him to reshuffle my group members. It’s just… I’m not particularly fond of those I’m with. They make me do half, if not all the work.”

Joohyun almost wants to wrap her hand around Seungwan’s wrist tightly and drag her back to the professor’s office so they can both give the man two pieces of their minds, but they have already reached the stairs leading them to the second floor.

Which is not that far really, but Seungwan doesn’t seem like she wants to fight for it.

Joohyun does though. Because that is just unfair.

“And you told him that?” she asks the girl once they reach the flight of stairs and hover around idly courtesy of Joohyun’s hesitance. A displeased frown has marred itself on her face at such irresponsibility of the woman’s members. She would know that Seungwan works her ass off almost every night just to meet (and perhaps also exceed) other’s expectations of her, or maybe even her own. The least she deserves is to have a little bit of leniency for that.

“Just that.” Seungwan smiles slightly, albeit tired. “I didn’t have the heart to sound demanding. Plus, it’s nothing I can’t take, really. I’m quite used to it by now.”

“Bullshit.” The words leave Joohyun’s lips before she can even put a stopper on it, surprising both her and the woman in front of her who has taken a relaxed stance against the wall. And then Joohyun realizes just how misplaced the context had been so she further reiterates her point. “Your team members are full of bullshit.”

And, for reasons completely unbeknownst to her, Seungwan actually _giggles_. And it confuses Joohyun even more.

But it also makes her put her mind to something else entirely, and she hopes that it might just work.

“I can help you, if you want,” Joohyun offers again once they are walking down the stairs in slow ambles. “Whatever it is that you need help with. And considering how you just spoke of your members earlier, I would assume that you direly want it.” She slips in a smile to that effect, glancing sideways at her roommate who seems to be less high strung than she was earlier.

And it actually makes Joohyun happy. Progress, it is progress. She still hasn’t broached the sensitive topic of her pride and the other’s constant judgment towards her, but it is progress.

She figures that she cherishes Seungwan enough not to let her pride get in the way of their friendship – that she actually looks forward to a time when her idiosyncrasies are more welcomed than they are judged, or that Seungwan realizes that Joohyun isn’t inherently dubious; she just has her way of dealing with things.

Ways that are never an excuse for any manipulative tactic that gets used outside of the court, but if there is one thing Joohyun just can’t seem to shake off her after growing up in a family full of lawyers and businessmen who, more often than not, share the same kind of moral compass—it’s that sometimes, people just have to do the extremes to protect those that they want to protect.

And Joohyun had wanted to protect Seungwan.

“I think I could use the help, yeah…” The short-haired brunette lets out another airy laugh and sighs when they finally reach the ground floor of the building. “If you don’t mind, of course. I don’t want to inconvenience you.”

“Seungwan, I made the offer.” Joohyun can’t help but smile amusedly at her. “And no worries. There are six weeks left until finals and they’re already reducing our workload to prepare us for internships. I’ve got more time on my hands than you think I do.”

“Oh, that explains why you’ve been hanging at the dorm a lot… doing _nothing_.” It sounds like the closest thing to their old banter when Seungwan says it. And to her utter glee, albeit concealed, Joohyun does see a small smile tickle on the side of the girl’s lips where she thinks the other cannot see. “Though I can’t say I’m actually fond of it. You hover. Annoyingly, at that.”

“Well, at least I don’t give you a hard time by being rambunctious.”

“Please, as if you don’t prank me enough.”

“I don’t. Not anymore now that we don’t really talk to each other.”

They both halt their footsteps just outside of the Law building, both of their bodies somehow drawn to each other at the same exact second. Joohyun has a rather soft expectancy to her eyes that begs Seungwan to acknowledge it so they can finally rip the Band-Aid off. Her roommate just looks sheepish, a slight apology in her eyes, but there is still a kind of tenacity between them that tells Joohyun she hasn’t really forgotten about the problem at hand despite having forgiven her for it.

They have both come to cherish each other too much to let their differences get in the way. Joohyun would like to think that.

“I’m not apologizing for my actions to your ex, by the way,” Joohyun cuts through the silence decidedly. “He was an asshole, and I’m not sorry that I think he deserved it. But I do acknowledge that I acted arbitrarily and didn’t take your feelings into account at that moment, so… _that_ , I am sorry for.”

It is new. Bae Joohyun, admitting her fault? Sooyoung and Yerim would snort the sodas right off their noses and look at her like she’s grown another head. Jennie would be probably more lenient, seeing as she is the only person who ever got to hear an apology from the woman that wasn’t done in her usual roundabout fashion. And to top it off, Bae Joohyun, initiating a confrontation right from her own mouth? Giving two shits about what someone thinks of her and determines to prove them wrong?

The gods must have smiled at whoever got to receive the end of Joohyun’s exceptions. They must have been a saint, or an angel in their past life to warrant such.

But looking at Son Seungwan, noontide sunshine painting amber hues onto her otherwise chestnut hair with eyes smiling what looks like unmistakable sincerity and tenderness… Joohyun thinks; she might as well have been all of those things.

“I won’t do it again,” is what Joohyun promises her, lips pursed tightly mainly because the words still seem foreign to her own lips. “Overlooking you, I mean. The other, not so sure yet. I don’t think I’m anywhere close to changing parts of myself that I’ve carried with me since childhood.”

“I understand,” Seungwan finally speaks for the first time since they exited the white boxed building and Joohyun’s ears would tingle at the tenderness that her voice adopts. “But I won’t tell you that you don’t have anything to explain to me because I really need some explaining, Joohyun. If we’re ever going to be…” She gestures aimlessly to whatever and Joohyun does not understand _that_. “Close, or something. I’d like to know what I’m signing up for.”

“Why do you make it sound like I’m some kind of murderer? I’m not.” Joohyun laughs mildly at the other’s wordings. “Neither am I borderline psychopathic or compulsively manipulative, and you can’t tell me you haven’t been thinking otherwise because I definitely see you watching a lot of _Psych2Go_ videos lately when you think I can’t notice.”

Seungwan’s agape mouth promptly closes in the middle of its retort, her face blushing furiously. It only makes Joohyun smile.

“I know that it’s a bit… hard. I’m a bit hard to take in, admittedly. With all my contradictions and all that.” Joohyun laughs lightly, and she is actually surprised to find Seungwan staring at her hardly like she doesn’t share the same sentiment. It makes her happy to see it though, realizing that maybe the extent of Seungwan’s judgment isn’t really as bad as she thinks it is. Maybe it is just her wounded pride. “After all, now that I think about it, I haven’t really given you a good reason to trust me.”

Seungwan is now quick to grab her hand, her hold firm and decisive, her eyes even more ardent. It takes Joohyun aback. “You have,” she says, squeezing their fingers in that same intimate touch that was deprived of her for a _week_. “You have.”

Joohyun just easily smiles and squeezes Seungwan’s hand back, flexing her fingers as an invitation to whoever wants to slip theirs in. Particularly a certain brunette who is already halfway to doing it anyways. Seungwan finds the invitation just as drawing as she does, because she easily slots their fingers together in _that_ way that makes Joohyun calm at the same time warm.

“But not fully,” she says meaningfully. “Games and karaoke can only do so much, but to gaslight your ex in a pub where fifty other people are watching, also lying to you in the process, and not to mention you still think I’m gonna jump Seulgi’s bones anytime…” Joohyun tries not to wince at the growing list. “The scale just naturally skews.”

Her roommate just looks at her, mirth and easy surrender spilling out of her eyes, because Joohyun knows herself and other people far too well to be a fool.

“So we’ll talk about it all you want later, at the dorm,” Joohyun promises with finality. Oh, she would be a fool to dive into foreign waters like this. “It’s time for us to bite the bullet, don’t you think?”

“You’re right. That sounds good.” Her roommate easily nods with a smile that Joohyun shares with her. She didn’t realize she had missed the girl’s smile this much.

“But for now, do you want to grab lunch?” she decides to ask since they’re already here. “I totally just didn’t turn down a guy’s offer on a whim because I saw you five feet away. And I’ve been _dying_ to cash out that bomb ass coupon at that _tteokbokki_ restaurant for a week now.”

Seungwan laughs. It is joy. “And you couldn’t have cashed it out yourself? You always said food is better when it’s free. Nobody would have stopped you.”

Joohyun is already dragging her by the hand to the gates by the moment she responds, throwing a grin over her shoulder as they walk. 

“Yeah, but I promised somebody I would treat her better next time. So right now it’s me, making it free. And right here is you,” she pulls on the girl’s hand so they are arm to arm. “Making it better.”

Seungwan profusely blushes. Joohyun happily laughs.

Yeah, she would be a fool for Seungwan.

-

Joohyun hums at the slow lulling of her consciousness into sleep, dipping far too low, threatening to fall right into the open arms of slumber but she still has to prepare for a presentation of a case study tomorrow morning. She appreciates it though. Seungwan is trying to talk to her to fill the silence, but what is supposed to be a noise loud enough to keep her awake only seems to be a comforting and calming lullaby that pushes her further into the depths of unconsciousness.

And it also doesn’t help that Seungwan is currently massaging the corners of her eyes with her fingers that glide to a bracket turn over her eyebrows, then onto her temples where they do a clean Biellmann spin. Joohyun doesn’t know jack shit about figure skating but she figures the random thoughts are because she might’ve watched a recommended video on Youtube about it a while ago.

“Is she really that bad? I mean, it seems like her discipline might come in handy one day, when you actually get yourself on a case.”

They are on Joohyun’s bed, her head taking refuge on a pillow that is resting over Seungwan’s lap. Her roommate is leaning over her upside-down face with her fingers on her skin, soft and calming, but she has her eyes closed so she can’t see whatever look the other is sporting right now.

“She is the cause of my headaches,” Joohyun groggily mumbles and hums gutturally because Seungwan is just _so good_ at massaging the aforementioned headaches away it is almost criminal. Ha, Criminal Procedure. _Professor Kim_. Her head pounds again.

“There, there.” Seungwan pats her temple comfortingly and Joohyun thinks she might’ve heard a smile there. “You know, if it’s any consolation…” she starts almost shyly. “I once had a professor who terrified me to my bones, I literally peed on myself. And it was during a practical exam,” she shares with an embarrassed chuckle that has Joohyun opening her eyes slightly to see the small blush that adorns her cheeks.

Upon seeing that Joohyun’s eyes are pried half open, Seungwan smiles at her and resumes her welcome deed.

“Why would I ever find consolation in your humiliating encounters?” Joohyun vocalizes amusedly, to which Seungwan chuckles. “But okay. Tell me about it, did anyone ever find out?”

“One guy did, and then Seulgi. The guy only found out because he came out after me and I was still shaken to my wits’ end that somebody might have noticed. So I came clean.”

“How did he take it?”

“Pretty well. He was actually more surprised that I didn’t shit myself.” Seungwan giggles at the memory fondly and Joohyun finds herself smiling. “The professor was _so_ terrifying, but at the end of the day I’m actually thankful that I got to be mentored by him. He really toughened us up. It’s inevitable that you’ll come across rude patients and their families one day, so I think he deliberately instilled a lot of courage in us to face those situations.”

Joohyun takes her rambling as a chance to study Seungwan’s features above her. Upside-down, the girl’s layered short hair falls onto a thin curtain on the sides of her face, the feather-light ends tickling Joohyun’s cheeks gingerly. Seungwan has always been beautiful to Joohyun. It has never been a secret.

A thick lock of hair slips past the ear that it had been tucked behind and it lands a bit unceremoniously on Joohyun’s nose.

Seungwan smells of strawberries and Argan crème. A very pleasant and feminine scent that wafts through Joohyun’s nostrils delightfully before the girl gasps and fixes her hair back again. Joohyun is sure she wouldn’t have minded.

“Are you sure he’s not just a single middle-aged man who hasn’t gotten laid in ages?”

Seungwan laughs loudly. It is music.

“Okay, now scoot, woman. My back hurts. I’m not trying to have a sore back before students’ week,” her roommate fusses at her after finishing the little massage with a gentle pinch of Joohyun’s nose bridge. If Joohyun didn’t know any better, she’d actually think Seungwan did it cutely.

“ _Seungwan_ , my head still hurts.” It comes out whinier than Joohyun expected it to, and normally she would have taken a second to be shy about that, but Seungwan is already pulling her legs from under the pillow she is laying on, causing a pout to grace her lips subconsciously.

“Hey, that’s unfair, unnie. That is so unfair.”

“What is?” Joohyun sits up to rearrange the pillows back on their rightful places, patting on the fluffy material.

“That.” Seungwan points ineffectually to her face. Joohyun quirks an eyebrow.

“This? My face? You know, if you were trying to compliment me, you should’ve made it clearer so I’d get it.”

Seungwan turns red and rather flustered. And then she huffs snobbishly.

“ _Ah, Seungwan-ah_ ,” Joohyun whines again when the girl makes a move to turn away from her, shaking her body slightly with her protests. “My head, my head—ah. Ouch. _Seungwannie_.”

It takes several more seconds of her deliberate childish whining until Seungwan lets out a small groan in what seems like surrender.

“Ugh! What am I going to do with you, unnie?”

Joohyun tries not to grin too happily when her roommate slides back into her bed in grumbles, even though there is a huge pout on the younger’s face while doing so. Seungwan makes a “ _shoo, scoot over_ ” motion with her hands, and completely takes Joohyun by surprise when she chooses to lay next to her sideways. Too close. She is too close.

“This way my back won’t hurt,” is what Seungwan tells her just in case she is confused by the situation, which she is, actually, but it isn’t really anything drastic. After all, they did wake up one time drunkenly cuddling each other.

Except that this time they are both completely sober. And Joohyun can actually smell all of Seungwan in a close proximity, which is both appealing and appalling at the same time.

Whatever. It’s not like they’re cuddling anyways.

“Come closer.”

“Eh?” Joohyun’s eyes are wide and she can feel her ears heating up at the request. Seungwan is just looking at her expectantly. _As if we aren’t already close enough?_

“I’m going to massage your head, unnie. Come closer.”

Joohyun shoots her a quizzical look and Seungwan sighs.

“I’m not going to bite.”

She must have donned a suggestive look on her face by reflex at the statement, because it grants her a gentle smack on the arm by her roommate.

This is not really what she expected to come about after all her whining. She just wished Seungwan would continue her administrations of _feel good_ head massages, not a closely flustering proximity where if she moves a limb she might end up tangling legs with her roommate.

Joohyun’s eyes are darting around in alertness the moment she feels Seungwan’s soft breathing over her forehead. The other girl’s fingers from her other hand cross over to gently start their deed. And as expected, Joohyun’s eyes immediately take to fluttering close with every satisfying pressure. Seungwan’s touch is so soft; her scent is so intoxicatingly pleasant that it makes Joohyun sniff it almost greedily. There is a slight humming from the younger girl as she continues her treatment and Joohyun remembers the karaoke night.

“Sing for me.” The request is out before Joohyun can even think it over. She’s been doing a lot of that lately around the other girl. Not thinking, she means. At least, not in the way that she used to. It is odd.

“Sing… sing for you?” Seungwan seems equally as confused and Joohyun doesn’t open her eyes so it doesn’t get awkward.

“Mhm…” She scratches her toe against the other’s leg just above her foot. “I don’t mind the noise, but I also don’t want you to just hum.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to sing.” Seungwan must have found her toe scratching bothersome or whatever, because she crosses her leg instead over Joohyun’s and consequently halts the movement. She keeps it there.

“Just whatever that has been on your mind lately.”

Seungwan takes a moment of silence. Nearly a good minute, actually, and Joohyun is convinced that the girl would just brush it away and decline – which would have been fine nevertheless but she’d admittedly be a little bit bummed.

“Oh, okay. There’s this song…” If Joohyun didn’t know any better, she’d have thought Seungwan almost sounded _shy_. “I don’t know if it’s your type though.”

“I don’t really care for the song. Whenever you’re ready.”

Her roommate just giggles and takes a deep breath afterwards. Seungwan is a great singer, that much Joohyun knows from their impromptu karaoke session where she found that the girl can still sound so beautiful despite her broken notes. It made her think that maybe one of these days she will get to hear Seungwan’s voice when she truthfully puts her heart into it. And then she will find it equally as beautiful, if not more. They have a lot of time in their hands anyways.

But for now, Joohyun oscillates between wakefulness and sleep, Seungwan’s fingers on her forehead, her sweet smell in her nostrils, her warmth radiating against her skin, and her voice in her ears.

“ _Ba_ _by girl, you’re my Irene, you’re my baby. You’re my flower, you’re my everything_ …”

And two hours later, Joohyun would wake up to find out that they had napped next to each other. Her own cheeks would burn beet red at their proximity, Seungwan’s eyes would move behind her eyelids like she’s dreaming, and she would find that staring at Seungwan’s sleeping serenity is a thousand times better than dreaming any dream.

-

“JOOHYUN UNNIE!”

Her eyes blink at the block of text that she has been reading on her laptop screen at the noise, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion to the loud call. _What on Earth?_ She is about to pull her focused gaze away to check what it is about when she feels someone grab her by the arms and prompt her attention a bit too forcibly.

Joohyun halts with wide eyes, and takes a moment to process the looming figure over her.

“… Sooyoung?” she asks.

“I CALLED DIBS!”

Her eyebrow quirks in confusion. Dibs? On what? They were calling dibs? Most of all, why is Sooyoung being so _loud_ and fussy in a coffee shop? She sees a few of the people in the shared space look over at them nastily, obviously displeased by the commotion.

There is a shuffling of footsteps shortly after Sooyoung’s ostentatious entrance. Joohyun tilts her head to find a panting Yerim catching her breath by the table in front of the one she is occupying, just behind Sooyoung’s towering silhouette. Speaking of Sooyoung, the girl shakes her arms yet again and still has that intense stare in her eyes.

“What are you talking about?” Joohyun couldn’t be more unfazed by the sudden energy that is being thrown at her, though she could really appreciate the peace and quiet; also for the sake of the students who are also in the coffee shop.

Sooyoung’s hold on her arms finally relents but not without a dramatic dip of her head and a choked fake sob. “I trusted you, unnie…” she dramatizes with a shake of her head. She pulls away before Joohyun can even pry her hands off, making a show of wiping the nonexistent tears on her cheeks while Yerim has finally recovered from her shortness of breath.

“Yerim, what is Sooyoung talking about?” Joohyun decides to ask the saner of the two, albeit not any better when it comes to dramatic episodes and mischief. But it seems like Yerim is the more reasonable one today, seeing as she is still calming down from what seems like an intense marathon chasing after the older girl. The sophomore Music Technology major’s cheeks are flushed and kissed with light perspiration.

“She’s been…” Yerim takes another deep breath and huffs it out with finality. “She’s heartbroken.”

Joohyun blinks. “And what does that have to do with me?” She brings her attention back to the other girl. “And I didn’t know you were dating someone, Sooyoung. I would have said my congratulations in order but now I’m not so sure anymore.”

Sooyoung whips her head to her with a glare. 

“You broke my heart!” she accuses a bit intensely.

“Wait… what?” Joohyun is getting annoyed now. She never likes it when she is being toyed or dragged around in circles. She just wants to get over with it already. Plain and simple. “Can we stop speaking in riddles? What is going on?”

“I called dibs on Seungwan unnie!” is what Sooyoung finally cries, and it renders Joohyun speechless. 

She did what? She really couldn’t care less about what Sooyoung does with her dating life since the girl is old enough to make her own decisions but… Seungwan? She did _what_ on _Seungwan?_

A mean frown has splayed itself on Joohyun’s lips subconsciously the more it sinks into her. She has always known that Sooyoung has taken a particular liking to her roommate but she also thought it was just a silly crush. After all, who wouldn’t? Seungwan is like a breath of fresh air from the monotony of the same old stereotypes of college students – either heavily stressed or uncharacteristically dressed to impress. She is nice and soft and pretty, smart and well-spoken with just the right balance of charismatic and shy. Joohyun is actually more confused that there is a longer line of suitors for her than the other girl. She knows it in herself that Seungwan, with her bright smiles and warm personality that never waver even when tested, deserve the reverence a thousand times more.

But Sooyoung? _Sooyoung?_

Joohyun’s head starts to bubble with annoyance the more she thinks about it. It’s not that she dislikes or doesn’t trust the girl to treat Seungwan nicely. Actually, Sooyoung is a very charismatic character of her own too – a satisfying balance between aloof and sensitive, protective yet still respectful of people’s individual decisions. She is a good girl. A tough candidate.

Maybe it is _precisely_ because Sooyoung is those things, that something tense sits hotly in Joohyun’s stomach at the idea. Why is she feeling like this? Sooyoung is not an enemy. There isn’t a _fight_.

Apparently her mouth has a different idea.

“No one is doing anything on Seungwan,” she bites out unintentionally but it is too late to remedy the sharpness of her tone. Yerim and Sooyoung both snap their heads to the sound in surprise. Even Sooyoung has dropped her theatrics and is now just looking at her with a slightly gaping mouth.

They should know better than to mess with Bae Joohyun when she speaks like _that_.

“Now if you girls have nothing better to do, please exit the coffee shop at once. I’m studying and you are disturbing the others.” Joohyun brings her eyes back to her laptop screen decisively when the two younger women just stare at her blankly. 

She just really wants to study. And stop thinking about the idea of Sooyoung and Seungwan. Please.

“U-Unnie…” Sooyoung tries to coo sweetly with an apology lacing her words. Joohyun’s eyebrow twitches but she keeps her eyes dead set on the screen. “Listen, I—”

“I’m studying. Leave.”

“Yikes,” she hears Yerim say under her breath before she hisses to the other girl, “You’re in big trouble, you dramatic oaf.”

“But I—”

“Go buy some coffee and pastries for us.” Yerim just grabs her wallet from her purse and shoves it inside Sooyoung’s hands quickly, fussing her away. She starts listing off her order and several others for her friends that should buy them enough time to conduct a peace talk. “Buy whatever you want. Go. Shoo. Now.” With a particular prod on the older girl’s shoulder, Sooyoung hurries away to the counter without further objections.

The youngest of the three decides to take a seat right across Joohyun, a slightly wary and apprehensive aura to her disposition as she continues to gauge the other’s state. Joohyun can’t see her behind the screen of her laptop but she’s always been rather perceptive to people’s mere energies. She knows Yerim is trying to alleviate the tense air and act as the mediator between the two.

“You don’t have to play spokesperson for her, Yerim,” Joohyun beats her to it without moving from her spot. Her focus has long gone out the window since their entrance and Sooyoung’s revelation but she also doesn’t want to let it show to the other two or else they’d find her disinterest as a reason to hang around. “She’s a grown woman,” she adds.

“Oh, don’t worry, unnie. I know that.” Yerim seems resigned now, actually. She just leans back on her seat and taps her nails on the varnished table. “What I didn’t know, however… is you and Seungwan unnie?”

There is a certain knowing lilt to the youngest girl’s voice that ultimately makes Joohyun lift her head up in confusion and meet her eyes across. As expected, Yerim is sporting an impish smirk on her lips as she challenges her gaze with her own. The girl has always been the closest equal to Joohyun between the two when it comes to personality and mindset. Their similarities make up for their staggering age difference. Looking at Yerim is like looking at a younger version of Joohyun herself.

“Whatever do you mean by that?” she asks just for the sake of it, even though she knows exactly what the younger is implying. 

Considering how they almost share the same thought process, Yerim obviously ends up quirking a skeptic eyebrow to her feint which makes Joohyun sigh.

“There is no ‘me and Seungwan’, Yerim. Do not be mistaken,” she clarifies with a muddled mind at the thought while looking back at her long-abandoned script. “She’s my roommate. I just feel somewhat responsible for your interactions with her.”

“Absolutely.” Yerim doesn’t seem convinced, however. “Don’t take Sooyoung unnie seriously though. I’m pretty sure she does half of those coddling because she wants to annoy you.”

“Annoy me? Why would I even be annoyed?”

Yerim gives her a bemused look that seems to scream at her, _Do you even see yourself right now?_

Joohyun sighs, shaking her head. She does feel annoyed. For whatever dumb reason she doesn’t know. Stupid. “Can we not talk about this? I’m trying to study.”

Still, Yerim doesn’t seem convinced at all. She is too smart for her own good. Thankfully, she lets it slide, probably to spare Joohyun the unease.

“What are you doing for students’ week, unnie?” she decides to ask this time, veering the conversation away from the tense air and seemingly sensitive topic of Seungwan. Joohyun lets out a sigh of relief at the digression. “It’s next week already.”

“Right.” Joohyun hums as she grabs her book to relocate it just to seem busy. “I don’t know. I’ll probably join the Amazing Race again.”

“And win again?”

“And win again.” Joohyun finally slips the first grin for the day which she sends to a smiling Yerim across, the girl nodding easily at her. “What about you guys?” she asks, quite interested now that they’ve started talking about university week. A week full of competitions both academic and non-academic for all college departments; a week where they all get to unclench from their studies and release the stress. An entire week for Joohyun to _shine_.

Plus, it would be more fun now that her circle has somehow extended to Seungwan and Seulgi. A small number of two, really, but it’s still an addition nonetheless. Joohyun starts to wonder what Seungwan would do during students’ week, if she would also join in on competitions, if Joohyun could watch her if she actually does.

“Unnie? Are you even listening to me?”

Right, she’s talking to Yerim.

“Um, what? Sorry, could you repeat that?”

Yerim rolls her eyes in good nature and something tells Joohyun she noticed her buffer, but she does as told nevertheless. 

“I’m probably gonna join the chorale competition,” she says. “Plus, there’s a songwriting one organized by the Music department so I’m joining that too.”

“That’s great, Yerim!” Joohyun grins, because it really is. “I’m sure you’re gonna win them all. Bet.”

Yerim has a shy smile on her face now, her cheeks flushing a pretty shade of pink on her youthful beauty. “Thanks, unnie,” she says. “Sooyoung is gonna play volleyball. She’s actually the third shortest in their team, can you believe?”

And of course, Joohyun doesn’t really hold grudges and Sooyoung is still one of her beloved children, so she laughs at that.

“Really?” she snickers, unable to imagine the idea of Sooyoung being the shortest somewhere. “And how does she feel about that?”

“Pretty fucking shit.” It is now Sooyoung who speaks, arriving into the scene with the cardboard carriers in hand – two for the beverages and another two for the sweets. She shoves the sweets into Yerim’s hands without warning and makes the youngest girl jerk, immediately grabbing the material to keep it from denting or dislodging. She sends Sooyoung a dirty look at the act while Joohyun sends Sooyoung a dirty look at the crass language.

The giant just smiles sweetly down at Joohyun and extends her arms out for a hug. “Oh, my favorite unnie,” she starts to coo. “Shall we call a truce already? I _love_ you.”

The oldest just gives her a bemused frown.

“Oh, come on, unnie. Don’t give me that look. Here.” Sooyoung pushes one of the coffee carriers into her bewildered hands and snaps her fingers at Yerim to stand up. The youngest girl just makes a face at her and mutters, “I’m not your dog,” but she complies anyway. Joohyun is still dumbfounded by the cardboard in her hands and the two cups that sit in it – one iced coffee and a strawberry and cream frappe both in venti.

“What is this, Sooyoung?” Joohyun dares to ask when she finally looks up at the girl, confusion still written on her face.

“For you. And Seungwan unnie.” The tallest grins less menacingly than how she had barged into the store. Joohyun can feel the corners of her mouth twitch again into a frown which makes the other woman shake her head fervently. “That’s my peace offering. Now please stop looking at me like you’re about to eat me down, unless you are into that—”

“Yuck, Sooyoung?!” Yerim hits her arm in protest at the remark, a shared repulsion by Joohyun whose face is now twisted in disgust. “Stop being gross.”

“Seconded.” Joohyun sets aside the beverages in the space behind her laptop where it is safe. “For Seungwan, huh?” She raises an eyebrow at the girl, her eyes intensely searching. She can already feel the nettles of annoyance poke at her sides again and she doesn’t like it one bit.

Why is she so annoyed?

“You should just drop it, Sooyoung. You know you can’t like Seungwan, right? She’s just gotten out of a breakup,” she says sternly, eyeing the girl with a glint in her eyes. “And you don’t even know if she likes girls or not. So please. Do not.”

 _Is that so?_ Sooyoung thinks to herself while looking meaningfully at Yerim who shares her glance. They both nod.

“Just give it to her, unnie. I don’t really care about that anymore. And enjoy your frappe. Yerim paid for all of those.”

“Hey!”

“Goodbye!”

With a particularly rough looping of one another’s arms, Sooyoung drags Yerim outside the coffee shop and leaves a still-bewildered Joohyun to simmer down from her conflicting feelings of annoyance, confusion, and relief. They didn’t even let her say bye.

Oh, well. She looks at the cardboard box and decides to cut her study out short so the coffee won’t be watered down by the time she gives it to Seungwan. She is not even halfway through the study material, but studying can always wait.

Outside, Sooyoung and Yerim scuttle away from the coffee shop huddled together with a knowingness that pulls both of their cheeks into mischievous smiles. They round the corner and start walking down the pavement away from Joohyun’s sight, facing each other as soon as they start the trail back to their off-campus dorm.

“You were right, Sooyoung…” Yerim almost sounds in disbelief. “Joohyun unnie’s gay-dar _really_ sucks.”

“I told you she’s a factory defect.” The other girl snorts and they both laugh.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking, my friend?” Yerim asks suggestively, her eyebrows bouncing with the secretive glee that they both share with a cheesy grin.

“I am _definitely_ thinking what you’re thinking, partner.”

-

By the time she comes back to the dormitory at six, Seungwan is looking at her with flushed cheeks and wide eyes. Joohyun looks back at her with equally the same kind of expression. Her mouth is agape and the coffee carrier nearly slips past her feeble fingers before she steadies it with her other hand, body still pressed tightly against the front door of the dorm.

Her heart is suddenly beating so fast. Her cheeks are burning. She can’t speak.

Seungwan is only in a _towel_ , fresh from the bath.

It has become an unspoken arrangement between them since the beginning that they should both shower and change in the bathroom in order to preserve the last tethers of privacy that they have in such a closed and small space. It has never posed a problem between the two of them; Seungwan shares the same idea with muted respect and Joohyun would go crazy if the last semblance of her individuality is taken away from her as well.

And yet here she is, going crazy.

No, not because her privacy in the bathroom has been compromised.

But because it is Seungwan’s, and she is standing in a goddamn towel that falls just above her knees in baby blue cotton and Joohyun can see her sharp collarbones and shoulders where the droplets of water fall from the ends of her wet hair and stick to her flushed skin fresh from the heat of the shower and _oh god_ –

“U-Unnie!” Seungwan squeaks out with a red face. “I didn’t know you’d be back so soon. I just—I… I’m just gonna…”

Good. So it isn’t only awkward and nerve-wracking on Joohyun’s end. Seungwan blinks several times to bring herself out of her shocked daze and turns around swiftly at once, probably to go and get changed as quickly as she can. Joohyun gets a glimpse of the back of her knees, those cream thighs that hollow out and _oh my god_ –

Seungwan wobbles over her legs and suddenly Joohyun has found herself in the most cliché romcoms in history. Her roommate shrieks, everything goes in slow motion, and the last thing she deliberately sees with her own eyes is how the woman’s towel starts to come off at an alarming speed. _Oh, god, this must be a joke._

“Holy—!” Joohyun yells in panic as she diverts her body and gaze to the home décor painting on the side of the wall. It is a painting of fruits, particularly with the banana as the main perspective. “... Bananas.”

Yes, holy bananas. The banana looks really good right now. There totally isn’t a naked woman five feet away from her and tickling the side of her peripheral vision – _no_ , she pivots her body even more so she is almost facing the door with wildly blushing cheeks.

And yes, the bananas look good.

“I’m—” Seungwan calls out from inside and it seems like she’s in a slight struggle. Rustling and light thuds of soft materials being thrown somewhere. Joohyun tries not to visualize so much and it doesn’t help that she’s quite imaginative. “I’m done, unnie! I’m decent,” she announces at last, and it’s almost like Joohyun has been given permission to breathe.

The room is silent and awkward when Joohyun finally steps over the threshold in her black socks. Seungwan is donned in her pajama shorts and oversized shirt that would have made her look extra cuddly if it weren’t for the flashback that runs through Joohyun’s mind at her sharp clavicles that are visible past the generous dip of her loose collar.

_Shit, what now?_

“I…” Joohyun’s ears start to heat up as a sign of her being flustered. She should really stop thinking about Seungwan and the fat minute of seeing her just a towel away from being naked. _What the hell, Joohyun? That’s so creepy._

Then she remembers the coffee. 

_Thank you, Sooyoung_.

“Right, um. I brought this,” she diverts the attention to the carrier that she raises with her hand. Seungwan looks at it inquisitively, still pretty much stirred at the previous events judging by the profuse blush that is still on her cheeks.

“What’s that?” she asks.

“Coffee, for you, apparently. From Sooyoung.” Joohyun hopes the bite to her voice wasn’t caught by the younger girl. She doesn’t even know why it is there in the first place. “Enjoy it while it’s still… not watered down. Or whatever.”

“Alright… You okay, unnie?”

“Hm?” Joohyun didn’t even realize that she was trying her best to avoid looking at Seungwan by pacing around the desk and her bed, hand on the back of her neck scratching away awkwardly.

“Oh… yes, I’m fine. Peachy. Of course.”

A warm hand suddenly wraps around her wrist and Joohyun’s heart immediately skyrockets to the bare minimum contact, her soul ascending through the roof. Unfortunately, this manifests as a hard jerk and unintentionally swatting Seungwan’s grip away with a panicked force, the skin that was touched by her roommate scalding hot with so many haywire feelings.

Joohyun cradles her wrist with burning cheeks and wide eyes looking at her roommate. Seungwan has also jerked back and now looks at her with wide eyes of her own, the accused hand pressed to her chest.

_Wait, no— fuck._

“No, Seungwan, I’m sorry… I—I didn’t mean to,” Joohyun apologizes quickly, cheeks still burning as she looks at the girl regretfully.

“I-It’s okay, unnie!” Seungwan seems jumpy as well, shaking her head vehemently as a reassurance. “I—coffee? Sooyoung? Um, yes… Where…”

Good God, this is so painful.

Joohyun sets up her laptop and books on the desk to pry her attention away from her roommate who is also awkwardly hovering and pacing around on the other side. Things were _not_ supposed to go this way. Joohyun was supposed to come inside, Seungwan would be waiting for her with a warm smile as if she is actually happy that Joohyun is back (which is pretty damn convincing with how she looks at Joohyun like _that_ and consequently makes the older girl’s throat dry out), and they would enjoy their night together like they always do – side by side, sometimes playing with their fingers, bantering and talking nonsense.

Now Joohyun is a blushing hot mess of wayward feelings that seem to scream at her to do _something_. What something? What should she do? Is there even _anything_ to do?

She discreetly tucks a strand of hair behind her ear to spare a glance at her roommate, just to check what she is doing.

Seungwan is staring back at her.

Her soul jumps through the roof again.

_Fuck, Bae Joohyun, get it together!_

She presses her palm flat against her breastbone to try and calm the harsh beating of her heart against her chest. _No. Behave_. Behave.

“Hey…” a shy voice calls out into the silent air soothingly. Joohyun’s heartbeat both calms down and picks up its speed at the sound. How can that even _be_? “Unnie?”

“Yes?” She doesn’t look back, burning saucers onto her laptop screen. 

She can hear shuffling in her periphery, a plastic cup placed down on the desk next to her, and she has to grip the edge of her desk strongly when Seungwan touches her forearm and starts to slide her hand down to take her own. _Fuck, fuck, fuck_ –

“Are you okay?” Seungwan asks, obviously closer now to her side. She is still not looking back. She absolutely _won’t_.

Seungwan starts to rub her knuckles with her thumb gently, soothingly, but it is only causing Joohyun’s stomach to somersault over itself and threaten to spill out her guts. Her face is burning, her chest is wilding out, her skin is _screaming_ but she doesn’t want Seungwan to pull away _. No, stay there, please_.

Her roommate takes her silence to cross another arm over, and it ultimately lands as a hand on top of her death grip on the side of her desk. Joohyun jumps, albeit she thinks only she could have felt it, and Seungwan gently pries her hand away to join it with the other half. Both of her hands are being held by her roommate now, squeezing and interlocking.

She knows how this will go. And sure enough, Seungwan starts to prompt her full body attention with gentle tugs.

Seungwan is _so_ pretty. In this warm lampshade light that paints soft orange onto her gentle features, her eyes look so brown and soft and tender and she is _so_ pretty.

Holy shit. Has Seungwan always been so beautiful?

Her smooth touch plays with Joohyun’s fingers, rubbing, squeezing, caressing.

Holy _shit._ Has she always been this comfortable?

“Do you need a hug?”

Holy fucking _shit_.

Joohyun doesn’t know if somewhere along her daze she had managed to bob her head down into an affirmation. She just remembers looking at Seungwan’s face, dead-set on imprinting her angelic features into her mind in mere seconds, and the next thing she knows Seungwan is pulling her. They are getting closer to each other, she can smell strawberry and Argan crème and that faint whiff of coffee from the other girl’s mouth. Their faces cross, the tug isn’t forceful, and Seungwan is _soft_ in all the right places.

This could only mean one thing.

Her heart is skipping. An intense surge of hot voltage is rippling through her. Her throat catches, her mouth parches, her cheeks _burn_. 

Seungwan is soft and pretty and smart and kind and Joohyun feels so _warm_ just holding her like that and this could only mean _one thing_.

Holy bananas _._

Holy _fucking_ bananas.

Bae Joohyun has a _crush_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *song rec for this chapter is Love by Mistake - Bad Suns! (It's so cute if you think of it as Joohyun's POV)
> 
> Hello all! This is also a really long chapter but I figured since I haven't updated in 3 weeks I'd just make it longer to compensate ^^ This is actually Turning Point pt. 2 and perhaps the easiest chapter I've ever written so far. We'll only go up from here, you guys! :D I updated the foreword with Joohyun's version of the cover so go check it out if you want ^0^ [Joohyun!!](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1442003/my-heart-and-this-night-makes-this-game-flicker)
> 
> Comments and upvotes/kudos would be most appreciated! I love hearing from you guys and I promise I'll try my best to reply to each comment :D As usual, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. See you in the next !! ♡


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